Gigs & Concerts

I asked someone today if they wanted my spare ticket for Robbie Williams but I wont get an answer until Monday and if its "No" it leaves me with hardly any time to ask anyone else. Just hope they say yes or I'm fucked (well lumbered with a spare ticket and have to go alone).

I am also thinking about going to watch The Subways at Newcastle Carling Academy next Wednesday night. They were one of the highlights of the Leeds Festival last weekend for me and the tickets are only £12. Makes a change it being so close as well, could go straight to Newcastle from work. I don't mind going to this on my own, don't think anyone else would want to go anyway.

The only other music event I have marked down to possibly go to in September is Northern Sinfonia at the Sage in Newcastle. Its obviously completely different to anything I have ever seen before, which is the point. It's classical music, the only thing that puts me off is that there only appears to be 5 musicians, I would like to see a whole orchestra. An introduction to live classical music though I guess. Not quite the last night of the proms though.

Couldn't Run

I took my running gear to work today but decided it was a waste of time running at dinner time because I didn't have the time to run over 5 miles and get showered in my dinner hour. So on my way home from the Consett office I decided I would stop for a run. I decided to go to Wolsingham and intended to run up to Tunstall.

I was actually feeling quite tired, thirstly and a bit hungry by the time I got to the picnic area. Right from the beginning I just didn't feel comfortable and I don't know how to describe it, I just felt very lethargic and really struggled and that was just setting off. After just over a mile I decided that I was just not in the right state physically or mentally. I sat down on a seat for a few minutes, thinking. I had only ran just over a mile. I wasn't out of breath or aching (I should hope not), I just had no energy. I decided it was stupid to go on to Tunstall because I had to come all the way back. So ran back to the car, in the end I ran the grand total of 2.3 miles. There was a break half way as well, that shows how bad I was.

I can only put it down to what I have been eating or the lack of. I have been trying to eat healthily which just isn't me. I have eaten lots of fruit and veg and kept away from fatty food and chips and tried to eat less bread. I don't think I have eaten enough though, I guess being back to work as well and not getting much sleep could be part of the problem as well.

I have just over 4 weeks before I have to run 13.1 miles, so this isn't what I need. I am gonna aim to run about 8 miles at the weekend. I had intended to walk Blencathra & Sharp Edge on Saturday but I think I need to do a decent run. I am kind of disgusted with myself that I faltered at this stage. My body just isn't used to this healthy shit and its crying out for some chips, lol ;-)

Work

It's strange being back to work and to be honest I was bored the first day and a half and felt like a spare part because my Administration rights hadn't been restored for me starting back. Its been better since they have been restored. Its been interesting looking at how to write Lotus Notes databases and I enjoyed going to the Consett office this afternoon. Although unfortunately I couldn't really do a lot, because the problem I was there to fix ended up needing a new part.

I have had lots of people welcoming me back to work, today someone did say on the phone that they had heard I was leaving. Well I'm not yet, unless they know something I don't. Wonder why people really think I was off. I know a lot of people did know why, somehow?
But no one other than my friends have come out and said anything yet. I don't think most people would dare, which is probably a good thing. Not sure what I would say. I did have a awkward moment today when I bumped into someone in the corridor at work, although I kind of put myself in that position on purpose to see where I stood. I know I often talk in riddles and probably no one but me knows what the hell I am on about most of the time.

New Website

I should hopefully have a new website in the next few days. I have been testing gmail for domains but they have just upgraded it to google apps for domains. About the only thing it adds is Google Page Creator, basically you can host your website on Googles servers but only very basic websites but I should be able to hack it up a bit.

All I want is for one of my domains to point at google (www.stevenhorner.com) and act as a front end for my other sites. So my photos, blog and various other sites can be found from there. At the moment I have just thrown up the most basic of pages just to see if it works.

It will take a couple of days for the changes to take place and actually point at the new google site. If its works OK I may then look at adding something properly.

Robbie

I got a text from my mate who was going to the Robbie Williams concert with me to say they couldn't go. I was initially a bit pissed off because of all the hassle I had over it in the first place. Later on I spoke to the mate and I understand why they can't. Some things are far more important that a daft concert.

Although this leaves me with a problem of what to do now. I am so sick of the hassle I had over the concert in the first place that I feel like just selling both tickets. Yet I would really like to go!

No Run

I was intending to go for a run tonight but once I got back in the house I really didn't feel like it. My feet are killing me as well from wearing my insoles in my old work shoes. I should of known it was a bad idea to put them in my old shoes.

Will buy some more shoes once I have been paid.

I will get up in the morning and go for a run before work!

Return To Work

It was my first day back at work today, it was strange to be back after so long. It was an easy day and couldn't do very much because I am still waiting for some things to be sorted out so I can access everything I need to. Just about every person that saw me welcomed me back and said it was good to see me.

I didn't answer the telephone much mainly because of what I mentioned above about that being able to access everything yet.

Considering I have been off for 8 weeks there hasn't been many changes. I have known more changes when I've been on holiday for 2 weeks. I guess it was disappointing that there weren't more changes (for the better), we are still waiting for things to be upgraded and still having the same problems as when I was last there.

My aim was to come back to work, do my work and speak to no one about anything but work, but its hard not to talk to friends when they are on the phone for help. They start talking about none work stuff and I was very conscious of it. There is no problem with me talking to them as long as I'm not on all day, but at the moment I would prefer not to be talking about anything but work when on the phone. It was good to be able to talk while doing work with colleagues in the office though.

Relaxing to music

I decided to have a relaxing day today before going back to work tomorrow. I haven't done anything other than listen to music all day. I have listened to quite a lot of new releases today, the major one is probably Iron Maiden - A Matter Of Life And Death. Many are hailing it as the best album since the 1987 album "Seventh Son of a Seventh Son". Its good but only listened to it once and there are some excellent songs there but I think this is a grower. So will have a better idea after a few more listens.

Some of the other stuff were people who played at the Reading and Leeds Festival like, The Fratellis, The Kooks and the Automatics. None of which I saw when at Leeds because they were on a different day but did watch them on TV. The Automatics would of been excellent to see live, the keyboard/synthesizer player is mental. He got lets say sexually assaulted when he jumped into the crowd, their well known hit is Monster.

I have just got out of the bath after relaxing to 18 Classical Favourites.

Listening to Iron Maiden again while typing this but think I might change to Blackbud - From The Sky who I found a couple of weeks ago on Napster.

Windows Media DRM Stripped

According to Engadget, Windows Media DRM has been cracked. There is a program around on the internet (FairUse4WM) that lets the user remove the DRM (Digital Right Management) from WMA files.

So what this lets you do is if you have a Napster, Yahoo Unlimited or Rhapsody subscription you can download as many tracks as you like. Run the program on the files and it will remove the DRM which normally would only let you play the files while you are subscribed and would only let you play the files on PlayForSure devices.

In my opinion this is excellent, it means I can now really take advantage of my Napster subscription, not because I want to steal as much music as possible, but because I can now play the tracks from Napster on my Xbox, Creative Muvo NX, Mac Mini and in my car. In the past I couldn't play the songs from Napster on them because they aren't PlayForSure devices.

Napster & the music industry wouldn't be losing any money because I am still paying my subscription. If anything they would make more money because I was thinking about cancelling it because I couldn't play them on the above mentioned.

So I totally agree with this Engadget article.

Yes I can see the music industry having a heart attack at the moment but if they think about it, this tool is actually giving consumers what they want. A way to buy music legally that they can then play more or less anywhere without restrictions. People are still paying but wouldn't have the restrictions. I read a few people mentioning that iTunes' AAC wasn't cracked but its not entirely true months ago Hymn lets you buy your tracks using iTunes 5 and the tracks wouldn't have the DRM on them. This didn't pose as big a problem because iTunes doesn't use the subscription model where you pay a monthly fee and can download as much as you want while you are subscribed.

I wish the music industry would wake up and give consumers what they want, but there is no way they are going to. People could still download any music they want for free via file sharing if they wanted to. But with this people would be paying a subscription charge. I think people would still stay subscribed so they could download new music as it was released!

At some point I will get around to trying it, if Microsoft don't patch it first. Not sure how they would do that in this case?

The only thing I wished was that an iPod played WMA files, you would need to either convert the files to MP3 (losing quality) or you could convert them to Apples Lossess format but the files would be huge.

Leeds Festival

I went to the Leeds Festival and had a good day, I saw quite a few bands, Fightstar, Dashboard Confessional, Panic! At The Disco, The Subways and Body Count. I also watched part of the following peoples sets, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Franz Ferdinand, Primal Scream and The Vines among others.

The highlights to me were The Subways and Body Count. Body Count I first listened to in 1993 when someone lent me a tape. The singer is Ice T, who most people will of seen in a few films. He was one of the first rappers to turn into an actor. Body Count I guess were also the pioneers for the nu metal groups that followed years later. Anyway they played all the major songs, KKK Bitch, Body Count, Voodoo, Evil Dick, There Goes The Neighbourhood and Cop Killer. They finished off their set playing Hendrix's Angel and Ice T's son joined him on stage to sing it.

The Subways were the highlight of the Main Stage for me. They played all the major songs from their debut album (Young For Eternity) including, Rock & Roll Queen, Mary, Oh Yeah and With You. They also played 3 new tracks including "California". I really liked their album which is probably why I enjoyed them but I think other bands there could take some lessons from them on how to interact with the crowd. At one point Billy Lunn (Singer/guitarist) jumped into the crowd and they were clearly enjoying themselves.

Some of the bands were disappointing to me, I wasn't very interested in Franz Ferdinands set at all. I watched the first couple of songs and got sick so went to watch Primal Scream, who started off quite good with "Movin On Up" but then I sort of lost interest after that as well. I was more interested in the bloke who had climbed up one of the supports in the tent while people cheered him on. I got bored of Primal Scream and my feet were killing me, so went outside and sat down by the Nokia tent and could still listen to Primal Scream. After another 10 minutes or so I was still bored so decided to go back to Franz Ferdinand and meet up with the others. I saw the last 2 or 3 songs but they hadn't got any better. I'm not a massive fan as you can probably tell, but it just seamed like there was something missing?

From what I hear Kaiser chiefs were supposed to be excellent, I didn't see them because I was watching Body Count.

I didn't think much of the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs either but again I listened to their last album the other day and wasn't very keen on them but its probably just not my sort of music. From the sound of it I should of watched Peaches but didn't realise who she was until I just read a review. Lets just say it was supposed to be very raunchy!!

I couldn't believe how many tents there were in the campsite, there were thousands of them all a couple of inches apart. Another experience was the toilets near the camp site. Think Sara Cox on the radio called them "High Drop Toilets". You go in a cubicle and its just a hole that drops straight into a massive storage tank thing underneath. All of the toilets "drop" into that same huge tank (you can see everything). It obviously stinks and isn't very nice. Luckily I only went to those particular toilets once.

I spent quite a lot on food throughout the day. I think I had 3 pork rolls, 1 beef roll and 2 jumbo Hot dogs. Adding it up I spent £22.50 on that lot. I had about 6 or 7 pints throughout the day as well which were £3 for lager and £3.20 for cider, I mainly drank cider because the first lager I had didn't taste very good.

I enjoyed the day and it was a good experience. I'm not sure how much I would of enjoyed an entire weekend camping though, unless I was drunk for most of it. Will see who is playing next year and will think about going for a whole weekend if the line up looks good. Some tickets actually go on sale next week but I'm not buying any until next year when there is some idea of line up!

Durham Voluntary Countryside Ranger Service

Deborah from Durham Council rang about my volunteer application for the Voluntary Countryside Ranger Service. She explained that normally when you first join you only choose one thing to do so they can decide who should be my mentor. I had chosen 2, I chose to do the working parties first. She is going to post me the details out.

The next one is on the 9th but its the day after the Robbie Williams concert so said that I might not be able to make that one.

Strange Day

Its been a strange day so far, I had to go into work for a meeting at 10. I slept in slightly because I didn't get to sleep until late for thinking about the meeting. In the end if was nothing like I was expecting and was postive. I will be back at work from next Tuesday after the bank holiday.

It will be very weird being back at work, on Tuesday it will be 8 weeks.

When I left work I noticed I had a text from Laura, who asked if I would sign her Passport application to verify who she was. She popped over at 12 but I hadn't put my signature on the back of the photo so she had to come back again.

I am reading through the stuff on the website for the Leeds Festival, was mainly looking to see what you were allowed to take in. I am thinking about taking some food rather than paying £3 for a hotdog or burger. But not sure I can be bothered to carry it around with me, so might have to either pig out before hand or more likely let the moths out of my pocket and buy food there.

I better sort out my clothes and iron what I decide to take. Not really sure it would matter if it was ironed anyway as anyone who is camping will look a mess (not that I'm camping).

The Match

I went to the Newcastle match last night with my dad, brother-in-law, niece and Charlotte (Nigels niece). I enjoyed the match but unfortunately it finished 0-0. Newcastle were loads better than the opposition but just had no one to finish. The midfield looked impressive, especially Duff who was a class above. He was a bargain at 5 million. Milner played well, looks better for his time at Aston Villa.

The main thing is Newcastle are through to the next round against Levadia Tallinn, an Estonian side.

Obafemi Martins was unveiled before the match, he ran out onto the pitch waving a scarf and ran around the centre while the crowd cheered. Shame he wasn't playing!

Newcastle Match

Looking forward to the Newcastle Match against FK Ventspils tonight. Just hope they don't end up being a banana skin, especially with us having no strikers and Ameobia probably out injured.

It looks like Obafemi Martins may be unveiled before the match tonight as well, just a shame he isn't eligible to play until the weekend. Would of been excellent to see him on the pitch playing tonight.

Just hope like the last time I was there, that we can win 3-0 again :-)

Today, Goals Completed & More Coming Soon...

My mind has gone blank, I can't remember what I did before going for a run at 4pm, I didn't get out of bed until nearly dinner time. Hadn't slept much over night.

I seam to of had a loss of memory coz I can't remember at all, oh well can't of been exciting.

Nothing exciting tonight, watched the Arsenal match down my dads with my brother-in-law. Then came home and watched Sleeper Cell on TV.

Nigel (brother-in-law) asked if I wanted to go to the Newcastle match tomorrow night, I had mentioned about us going 3 weeks ago. Luckily he had helped me sort out withdrawing some money from some accounts online so I have enough money for Leeds this weekend and the £15 for the Newcastle match. He is driving to the match as well, so wont cost me any extra. Looking forward to it, the last time and first time I went to St James was a couple of years ago with some mates from work. It was one of the things I had on my list of things to do, to go to St. James again.

I guess I have done quite a few things so far this year (being positive for a change). Hi-Fi Festival, Bon Jovi Concert, Guns N Roses gig, bought a house, Part of Penine Way again, Ben Nevis, camping, running, reading books, cut back on drinking, feet, sponsored walk, watched mate boxing and a few others.

I have several things happening in the future as well, Iron Maiden gig, Leeds Festival, Robbie Williams Concert, Great North Run, NY 3 Peaks (hopefully), volunteering as Countryside Ranger, Weardale Railway?

There are other things I would like to do and somethings I'm planning for next year, a holiday to Canada could well be one of them, depending on money and other stuff. There are other challenges I need to do, Snowdon still needs to we walked and need to re-do Ben Nevis, so may as well walk Scafell Pike again as well. I would like to complete at least one long distance walk in the UK, Coast to Coast maybe but more likely the West Highland Way. Lots more to be planned (and completed). I need to update my50 list as well, some are completed and others to add.

Run

Distance: 5.62 miles

I've just got back from the run shown above, a little disappointed because I thought it was just over 6 miles but its not. Then again its the first time I have run with my inserts and it certainly made a difference. I could see my first were straight when striking the ground, in the past my toes would point out over which put strain on my knees.

The only problem is I used muscles that I would never use very much when running previously. I found the last mile hard after the long downhill of West Road in Crook. I wanted to stop but somehow kept going. Probably kept going because I have stuff on my mind, work and my last post.

It was the first time in ages I have ran with music. I didn't count or really concentrate on my breathing either, it just sorted itself out (must be getting used to it). I still have a long way to go, I am running less than half the distance of the Great North Run and only have about 6 weeks to go.

My aim is to hit 10 miles a couple of weeks before the race. I better create a full calendar of training now, should of done it weeks ago but I got side tracked.

Robbie

I bought some tickets earlier tonight to see Robbie Williams even though I am skint, I was happy at first but now I wish I hadn't bought them. I have upset a friend who has been there constantly for me over the last few weeks. I mentioned to them the other day about Robbie and she mentioned about going and offered to lend me the money but at the time there was no tickets left.

I checked again tonight while another friend was at my house and there were tickets available again. So I bought 2, in doing so I upset the friend who has been there for me through out everything.

Not sure what I can do other than apologise.

I just wish I hadn't now, but I guess thats me, don't think about other people before I do things.

TV

I finally got around to one of those jobs I have put off for ages. I fixed my LCD TV to the wall with the mounting bracket I bought weeks ago. This is in my bedroom and the TV is a bit small but was worried I might need binoculars to see it from bed but I can see it OK. The wires need tidying up but I need an aerial splitter/booster for downstairs first, but at least it is fixed to the wall now.

I don't think the left side of the wall is as curved as it looks, its the angle the camera was at. Having said that, no walls are straight in my house.

Gardening

I didn't get up until late this morning, it was almost dinner time. Yet last night I managed to get to sleep almost straight after writing the post on here. Maybe the relaxation music I was listening to while blogging actually helped. I must of slept about 10 hours last night :-)

I got up and decided to work on my garden, I flattened it down by treading it in, my mother helped with this and we tried to make it as level as possible. I then spread the grass seed as per the instructions on the packet, it almost covered the entire area. I had marked it slightly bigger anyway (luckily). I then lightly raked the grass seed in.

After doing the grass I planted a few plants at the house end of my garden. I had a rhododendron I rescue from my garden before the tractor originally turned it over. I also had a dwarf rhododendron in my parents garden I bought over 10 years ago. I got a couple of other plants from my parents garden as well, like a hosta (snail eaten). It certainly looks better but I need loads more plants but will wait until the grass is coming through before planting anymore.

I watered the the plants in but it started to rain just after I finished, which is good for the grass seed and the plants :-)

action

as usual i have been doing a lot of thinking recently but i have had a
lot more than normal to think about and that is normally bad enough. i
have had huge problems getting to sleep a lot worse than usual.

i am crap at making decisions but some things that are praying on my
mind are out of my control. i am sick of having to wait for people to
make decisions that will affect the rest of my life and could well
ruin it.

i said 6 weeks ago that i would fight and i am still having to do
that. i never expected it to take this long. sometimes i have felt
like giving up but it almost feels like thats what they have been
waiting for, hoping i would leave. i know people from work have been
reading this blog from looking at the log files. what i have wrote on
here is only a fraction of how i have actually felt and would not wish
what i have gone through on someone else.

at the beginning of the year i knew this would be a difficult year but
this wasn't quite what i was expecting. i suppose i have found out
just who are really good friends and who just use me or are complete
liars. i may be many things but i am no liar.

i am in the perfect mood to read tarot cards. but unfortunately they
are still at my parents house. some people who are reading this may
not know i have read tarot in the past. i don't believe they
particularly tell the future or not in my rubbish hands. i do think in
my case they can help me make a decision that i already know whe
answer to but just find it hard to actually make that decision.

i wish i was less of a dreamer and actually made the things i dream
about actually happen. yet i am easily bored and give up far too easy.

from when i was a kid i have always said i would die young, people
think i am morbid or strange for saying that. but i dont think its a
bad thing to think. i have said many times live each day as if it's
your last because one day it will be. i haven't thought about that
enough recently and once again spent far too much time complaining or
feeling down. if i died tomorrow what are my most recent memories
going to be like?
generally not good, other than having seen quite a few friends this
week the rest has been negative. i need to do more of what i enjoy and
try to forget about those who try to pull you down.

i have created lists several times on here of things i want to do and
achieve. recently i haven't done anything to help attain those goals.
its about time i looked at them again and work out how to achieve some
more of them. that can be another task for tomorrow, i better make
sure i do it.

with not getting to sleep very well i have started to think about
projects i came up with a long time ago which is one good thing to
come from it and a few new ideas. like i have just said though its no
good just thinking if im not gonna do nothing about them.

my fingers are again dropping off typing this on my phone.

Back Pain

I didn't get out of bed today until late because I couldn't get to sleep until after 4am, too much on my mind. I eventually decided I had to get up when I noticed it wasn't raining and do some gardening. I wanted to clear the weeds that were coming through again ready for putting grass seed down. My mam came to help me and in truth she did nearly all of the weeding today. I took some of the rubbish from the bottom of my garden (the weeding I did previously). It weighed a lot, it had rocks and sods in the bags.

When I got to the tip I couldn't get anywhere near the skip I needed to be at, so parked quite a way away and had to carry the bags to it which was up steps. I ended up doing something to my back after the first couple of bags but had to keep going. I then continued on to B&Q to get some grass seed. By the time I got back home my back was starting to hurt more and it started to rain heavily just as I got back. So that was the gardening for the day.

Over the next couple of hours my back got worse and worse to the point where I couldn't sit, stand or lie down without being in a lot of pain. I just tried to keep moving but it just kept getting worse and I was in agony and was constantly gritting my teeth. Eventually I got in the bath which really helped, I actually took some Ibuprofen and it is very rare I take any tablets (must of hurt). I felt loads better after the bath and managed to sit down and watch the TV. Its hurting again now sat here which could be the tablets wearing off but its a hell of a lot better than earlier on :-)

End of Sinchronicity :-(

I have just watched the final episode of Sinchronicity and I'm gonna miss it. I missed the beginning of the series and wish it would go on longer. It is the only program I have watched without fail recently, a breath of fresh air compared to most of the crap that keeps being put on TV.

The final epsiode was interesting with the 2 different endings to the story and I liked how missing a bus can change the complete course of the story, much like life :-)

I hope there will be another series, but not sure how they would work that??

BBC SinchronicityPage.

A History Of Violence

A History Of Violence: I watched this earlier tonight and didn't really know anything about it other than it had good reviews. There were some good performances, once again from Maria Bello and Viggo Mortensen.

Its a Cronenberg film so I expected sex and gore, there some but not quite as shocking as I expected.

It was a good film but it still seamed to be missing something, I seam to be getting hard to please these days when watching movies.

I gave it 7 out of 10.

Alien Autopsy

Alien Autopsy: I watched this last night knowing it had terrible reviews and only got 3.2 on IMDB. So I wasn't expecting a lot. It wasn't as bad as it was made out, myabe because I wasn't expecting much. There were a few parts I laughed at but can't remember the last film where I couldn't stop laughing at, hasn't been one for a while.

If you watch it not expecting too much then you may be suprised. I'd give it 5 out 10.

Friends

It hasn't been a bad couple of days, tonight a couple of friends came over. Normally we go to the pictures but I couldn't afford it with having just paid out the money for my insoles among other things. So they came over mine to watch a film rather than me driving over to them then to the pictures.

I had a good night, it made a change and had a lot more chance to talk than normal.

On Friday my best mate came over, haven't seen him in ages and he had never been to my house. It was good to catch up and hopefully we will keep in better touch from now on.

I also bumped into another mate and his family in the supermarket and was talking to him for a few minutes, he said he would pop up one night.

Head Hunters

Michel Crespy - Head Hunters: The title of this book caught my eye and even reading the first page lead me to believe there would be a lot more action than there actually was. Most of the book was about 3 teams trying to run imaginary businesses to try and impress a recruitment agency and trying to out do the other teams.

Things only started to get more interesting right at the end of the book and then the book suddenly seamed to be over too quickly after it taking an eternity to get anywhere.

Having said the above it was still quite good just not what I was expecting or hoping.

Insoles

I picked up my 2 pairs of insoles tonight and they feel comfortable but very weird. I feel like I am slighly drunk and going to fall over or something. I noticed I catch my right heel slightly as well, which is probably because that insole is built up more (left leg is longer).

There's a picture below but it looks blurry, camera a bit rubbish for close ups and I think I moved as well. I'm not sure you get a true idea of how much they are built up.

on the phone

i am blogging this from my phone again, not tired enough to sleep.
laid listening to the kinks.

i have been thinking about what i could do or what i am good at to
setup my own business. obviously i am good with computers but what
exactly and what do i enjoy. i have several ideas in my head some like
everyone else fixing computers but i have an idea where there is a
market i think and in the last 10 years i haven't seen anyone plug
that hole. i have been thinking about it for that long.

i am not ready to setup my own business yet but would be good to test
if there is a real market there and if its possible. i would need to
do lots of research but at the moment i have more pressing matters to
sort tomorrow or today now!

well i am tired now zzzzz

Good Night

I went to a friends Birthday Party tonight. I was unsure whether to go with not being at work but decided to go anyway. It was good to catch up with friends. Obviously somebody at work has talked because they knew why I was off. Yet I am pleased to say they supported me, which I would hope so as they should know me well enough.

I kept my mouth shut and didn't elaborate on any of it. I only went with a small amount of money so I couldn't get drunk and say something I shouldn't, which I wouldn't of done anyway as you just don't know who you can trust?

I am still not being told everything that I should be!

Most people there didn't mention anything specific but I got the impression that everyone of them knew why I was off, they all wished me look and hoped I would be back soon. It means a lot to hear that, because I haven't spoke to anyone while off. Yet I am annoyed that everyone seams to know why, it certainly isn't from me. So someone can't keep their mouth shut?

Short But Steep Run

I went for a short but steep run today. I really didn't feel like running, my knee was aching and just didn't feel right but forced myself to go out. On the map above you can see where I ran up a straight section that is a fairly steep hill. I decided I hadn't ran up enough decent hills but today wasn't the best day to decide to tackle it. I got to the top but stopped and sat down at the top until some horses got out of the way. Then set off back down and into Roddymoor, when I set off I intended to do a lot longer run but I just couldn't get into a rhythm and decided I just wasn't in the right mood. The route was just over 3 miles but I didn't run continuously today.

I might run from Wolsingham to Tunstall around the reservoir and back down to Wolsingham tomorrow depending on how I feel. If I do it and make it I would be running 7 miles, a lot further than my last longest run (4.6 miles).

Stephen Coonts - Saucer

Stephen Coonts - Saucer: I picked this up in the library last week after deciding to read some different books to the normal authors I choose. It was certainly action packed but I guess it read like a hollywood movie. They maanged to figure everything out so quickly.

I enjoyed the book because it was fast paced but not exactly the most detailed book I have read and skimmed over a lot. I read a review somewhere that said when he was 16 he would of loved the book and thought it was a bit juvenile. Whatever, people often moan about films and books too much. I just take it for what it is, a story.

Classic Listening

Maybe because I was thinking about the past earlier, writing about computers. It got me remembering other things from the past. I can always remember in the late eighties that my dad used to always be listening to Dire Straits whenever we went anywhere in the car. I decided to listen to some and unfortunately sing along.

I listened to the Money For Nothing album which is a greatest hits compilation from 1988. I must of forgot how good Dire Straits were.

Ali G InDaHouse

Ali G InDaHouse: I have watched this before but thought I would watch it again. It isn't as good as the Ali G show but the part with the blind council worker cleaning the railing still had me in hysterics.

I still think most TV comedies are best staying as TV shows rather than going to the big screen. Rhona Mitra is very sexy though ;-)

I gave it 7 out of 10, it would of only been 6 if it wasn't for the council worker. "This railing is very dirty, its gonna need a lot of rubbing". I gave it 8 the first time I watched it.

IBM PC 25th Birthday & My History With Computers

It was actually yesterday but I never got around to writing about it. I just read an article on Engadget where the editors had posted their first experiences with PCs. It made me realise that mine were actually earlier than many of theirs.

Before I actually used an IBM compatible PC, I already had experience of computers. My earliest memories where of the Commodore Vic 20 my dad bought for my sister although I can never remember her playing on it only him, then me. I can remember my dad sitting there for hours with a neighbour having typed in a all the code to write a game and my mother switched the wrong plug off and lost the lot. No disks then, you had to save to tapes. The main game I can remember playing on the Vic 20 was Blitz, it was so simple, but I used to love playing it. All I ever did on that computer was play games but I was very young.

After the VIC 20, my dad bought my sister an Amstrad CPC6128, yet again it was my dad that used it, then me. He wrote several simple programs in BASIC and even wrote the Blitz game I had played on the Vic 20. We had loads of extras, like an extra 256k of memory. It used 3" disks, the only computer I've known to use them. I was still very young when we got this, about 7 or maybe 8. Not long after my dad bought an Amstrad 80286, our first PC. It came with an 8Mhz processor, 640K RAM and a 30MB Hard Drive and windows 2 I think and DOS 3.3.

I was given the Amstrad CPC6128 when my dad got this and I used to play games and started to write simple programs in BASIC on it to record car speeds and o-60 times stuff like that. I guess even then I used to create lists of pointless stuff and collect things on the computer.

My dad had the 2086 for a lot of years and he wrote several programs on it in GW BASIC some are still in use today for the company he worked for at the time. I got more into using the the PC rather than my CPC. I taught myself how to navigate around DOS and wrote very simple programs. I can remember playing Duke Nukem which was a side scrolling action game compared to the 3D shootem up versions of Duke Nukem now. I think I played that in about 91/92.

Sometime around about 93 a friend of my dads needed a new computer because something had happened to his 2086, it could of been stolen and think he ended up with the insurance money. My dad had set his original computer up for him, with programs he had wrote for his friends business. So we ended up with the new computer at our house so my dad could get the programs working for him. Of course this was different to the old 2086 this came with Windows 3.1 which compared to version 2 was a revelation to me. I had been into the old Windows a couple of times and thought it rubbish so never used it. Now here is Windows 3.1 working well and it seamed excellent. Around about this time we went to a computer show in Alexander Palace in London to get a printer for the new computer. We bought a Citizen Swift Dot Matrix which was colour. While I was at the show I saw something that totally stopped me in my tracks. It was Doom, it was like no game I had ever seen before.

Shortly after this my dad decided he needed a new PC, he bought a Mitac 486 SX 33 I think it was. It was from here that got us even more hooked on computers. We bought a CD drive for it and an 8 bit Sound Blaster card from a computer show in Birmingham I think it was. It cost about £160-£180 for them in a bundle. The CD drive was only 2X then.

We spent most of our time on the computer, whenever my dad wasn't in I would try to get on the computer. I was 14 at the time. In December of 1994 I finally managed to persaude my dad to go onto the internet. We joined up with Compuserve which was later swallowed up by AOL. At the time there was only a handful od ISPs. We bought a US Robotics 14.4 modem which cost £120, 28.8 was out but they cost £200+. I had been trying to get a modem back in the late eighties for my 6128 but my parents wouldn't let me probably because of War Games. Anyway the World Wide Web wasn't very exciting back then, I can remember going to Cardiff Internet Movies Database (now IMDB), NASA and a few other sites that are still around today. I can remember waiting over 10 minutes for a picture of Mars or Saturn to load up and giving up. The browser we used then was NCSA Mosaic. The first few months on the internet we used to go to Bulletin Boards that you dialled up to rather than the internet as such. I did use some of Compuserves forums. It was in 95 when I started using the World Wide Web all the time and wrote my own web pages in HTML. How the internet has changed since then.

Sometime around 95 or there abouts after my dad had upgraded the PC lots, he bought a new one. I can't remember if he bought this from Tiny or if he had another before the PC from Tiny.

In about July/August 95 I worked very briefly 1 day a week for Nectar computers on a Youth Training placement. This gave me an insight into just how easy it really was to build a computer totally from scratch. We had already upgraded processors, RAM, CD drives, etc.. at home but never built a computer from scratch. It wasn't until March 97 when I had a full time job of my own that I could afford to buy the parts and build my own computer. I can't remember entirely what spec I built at the time as I have upgraded so many comptuers since then. I think I originally built a P133 with 32MB RAM and 40GB hard drive. Up until this point I had always had to use my dads computers. I already spent a lot of time on the computer but now with my own PC in my bedroom I could spend all night and regularly did.

There is no point in explaining any newer computers as I have built quite a few. I now have over 10 around the house. None are of the latest spec because I no longer play games on the PC or even on a console, so I have no need for the highest spec computer. I still enjoy trying to keep up with the latest things to come out and try anything I can out.

Its interesting to look back and remember how interested I have been in computers and how much they have captivated my imagination over the years, they still do. Maybe this was a good idea to look back at my computer history. There was so much more I could of gone into but it would end of the size of the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Road To Perdition

Road To Perdition: I decided to continue with Tom Hanks movies and watched another I had put off because it sounded slow. Well it was quite slow but still a good film.

Paul Newman was excellent, Daniel Craig was good and Tom Hanks was good but like a review I just read he could of played it with a bit more emotion. I suppose that is how he wanted to play it though as someone who doesn't really show his emotions or found it hard to.

I guess after writing that maybe Tom Hanks did actually play the role better than just good.

I gave the movie also 8 out of 10. I enjoyed The Terminal slightly more though.

The Terminal

The Terminal: This is one of those movies I had put off watching because it sounded quite boring reading what it was about. It certainly wan't a short film but it was one of those heart warming films.

It was excellently acted by more than just Tom Hanks.

I wold certainly recommend it but don't expect a film full of action or you will be dissappointed.

I gave it 8 out of 10.

Oh Dear

I was sort of joking when I said maybe I have some disorder and decided to do a quick google search. I typed "disorder jumping from idea to idea". What came up shocked me but I suppose didn't really suprise me.

What did shock me was the fact that I have had every single sympton at one stage or another.

I hope I am not turning into a hypocondriac but I am kinda worried if that is what's wrong with me :-(

It was Bipolar Disorder formally known as Manic Depression that came up.

Here are some of the links that I found:

Link 1
Link 2
Link 3
Link 4

People have often said I'm a miserable bastard, lol. Everyone of those sympons in Link 1 I regularly have, some a lot more than others.

It's a bad idea doing self diagnosis on the internet or I could end up with everything going. Will try to stick my head in the sand for now. Always a good idea, lol.

Lists

I was just reading through an old notepad where I had jotted down various things. I seam to create lots of lists of things but never really do what is on the lists. Except if its a list of stuff to buy, I think I have bought everything I wrote down except for a PDA but I don't really have any use for one. Thinking about it I do own one I bought several years ago, so I guess I did buy everything I wrote down.

Many of the lists where things I needed to do, various things to get fit. I didn't stick to any of them. There was also a couple of tarot readings but will need to go back over them.

I mentioned the other day that a friend had said I did lots of thinking but not much action. That's exactly what the notepad shows. The whole reason I picked up the notepad was to write a list of things I have to do around the house. Maybe for once I should try and do everything on the list rather than thinking about it!

I have wrote a few times on here about the way my brain jumps from one thing to the next constantly. This is how I do everything, I jump to different projects and ideas constantly and I very quickly become bored with them and move onto another. This is why I am so bad at making decisions because as quick as I think of something I become bored with the idea and think up another. I am sure there is some disorder that describes me, there seams to be one for everything else.

I certainly seam to of hit the nail on the head about jumping from one thing to the next, I just don't know what to do about it. I have always been like that and don't think its something that I could change even if I wanted to?

Even now writing this I am jumping from one idea to the next and thinking of other things.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: I'm really not sure what was wrong with me the last 2 times I have tried to watch this. Both times I gave up at the beginning, granted the first time I was on an airplane with dodgy headphones.

I think the second time I may of tried to watch it with the English Dub, this time I sat and watched it with the subtitles and thought it was excellent. I should of watched it properly the first time.

The fight scenes were excellent and can see where many films since this copied all the ideas from.

I have just re-rated the movie 9 out of 10.

Crinkle Crags Album

I have uploaded all of the pictures I took of my Crinkle Crags walk to my Picasa Web Album. The album is a Google test site, their competition to flickr which I got an invite to try, so thought I would give it a go. I will upload some more of my pictures from previous walks soon.

Catching up on sleep

I was tired last night but did't want to go to bed too early or would wake up in the early hours. I managed to stay up until some time after 11, I must of been asleep within seconds of my head touching the pillow. I never heard a thing until about 9:30 this morning when the builders next door were banging. I nodded back off and eventually got out of bed at 11. I haven't done much all day, watched the news about some terrorist plot to blow up planes from the UK. Then sorted out my post and bills I had laying around.

I then spent 2 hours doing the last 2 posts on this blog. It takes a long time to choose pictures and write it all out. Didn't realise it took that long though!!

Newcastle are on TV tonight so will be watching that and having a relaxing night :-)

Day 2 - Crinkle Crags

Distance: 14 miles
Time: A long time




Above is a video showing a 3d Rendering of the route.

Click any picture to see a larger version.

On the second day of my time in the lakes I did the walk that I had gone there for, to walk Crinkle Crags. It was the name that originally jumped out at me, then when I saw pictures and read more I decided I had to walk it.

From Camp site looking at Langdale Pikes in distance

My day started very early, well the day before never really ended. Previous post mentioned more. I started sorting my gear out just before 6:30 and set off at 6:45. I was trying to make as little noise as possible because no one was up. I realised later that I had forgot a few things (chocolate, cereal bars and isotonic drink). I filled up my camelbak with water and set off.

One of the problems with not getting in the campsite I was intending to use, was that now I was 3 miles further away (6 miles added to my route). While Iw as walking along the road towards the foot of Langdale Pikes a fox ran across the road, jumped onto the wall and ran along it towards me. It then jumped off the wall and ran over the field. By the time I got my camera out it was too far away.

I decided before even setting off for the lakes that I was going to take my time, walking and just generally relax. I tend to rush everything (well not everything).

So I walked fairly slowly along the road enjoying the scenery and taking pictures. None of the pictures do it justice. The views were amazing even more so than usual due to the light changing so much, sun then cloud, then rain, then sun again.

Langdale Pikes from the road

I called in at the car park at the foot of Langdale Pikes to use the toilets, there was no one in site here either.

Crinkle Crags straight ahead

I then continued on to the end of the normal road, to where my walk was originally to start from with Crinkle Crags straight ahead of me. I wont give commentary on the entire walk. A couple of miles further on I started to feel quite dizzy and my version was blurring and just felt very weak. Iw as waslking up probably the steepest part of the walk. Normally though this wouldn't of really bothered me or not to this extent. I decided it must be because I hdn't had any decent food for over a day, just a sausage roll the day before and a tiny bowl of cereal before setting off for the walk. This is when I realised I had left the chocolate and cereal bars in the cool box in the car (oops). I did remember to make 4 sandwiches but I wouldn't let myself eat them until I got a bit higher. Well I am stubborn and often stupid but also wasn't gonna give up, so I sat down for a couple of minutes. The set a point on the map where I would allow myself to stop to eat a sandwich. It wasn't too far but felt it, yes I know this was probably stupid I could of passed out and no one would of known.

I ploughed on, although slower than usual. Then stopped behind a rock not far from Red Tarn, where it had flattened out. I allowed myself to eat a couple of sandwiches, it was only just after 9am which is why I was so reluctant to eat them. I sat a couple of minutes and did feel better but still not completely normal but that could of been due to no sleep the previous night as well.

Crinkle Crags appearing like the back of a dinosaur

After about another 10 minutes I pulled around and felt a lot better. It was very windy up here and could see the clouds closing in, then the rain started. I quickly got out my waterproof coat and carried on. The water was pouring off the coat and soaking my tracksuit bottoms so got out my waterproof trousers. I hate wearing them as they restrict movement and they always end up wet on the inside from sweat anyway but my legs were suddenly nice and warm with them protecting me from the wind.

I was now almost at the foot of the first Crinkle. The rain was still tossing down and I was thinking is this safe to be clambering over the Crinkles in this weather on my own. I decided to push on anyway and clambered over the first one, it was wild on top. I eventually got to a crinkle with a more or less vertical face. I thought this must be the bad step and looked at it but was unsure if it was or not. I hadn't looked at the pictures of it for a few weeks and couldn't remember. I contemplated climbing it for a few minutes but really wasn't sure if this was it or if I was going to try to climb something that was a lot harder than I thought. I decided that it was probably a bad idea when I was unsure and I was alone and still tossing it down. Relunctantly I decided I would walk around the side and the rain stopped and the sun came out, although it was still very windy. I found another route up and doubled back to get to the cairns on the top. I realised that it must of been the bad step I had been looking at but I probably made the right decision in the circumstances, although pissed off now. I will have to go back and do it again!!

(Above) Scafell and Scafell Pike in cloud

Cloud approaching over the Cairns on the top of Crinkle Crags

I sat on the top and ate another sandwich and took some more photos while watching the clouds moving over the tops of Scafell and Scafell Pike. I had to make a decision of where I was going to go after I finished the Crinkles. Originally I planned to walk over Bow Fell and on to Angle Tarn then down the Cumbria Way this was before I had an extra 6 miles to walk. I decided I would walk to the bottom of Bow Fell before deciding. I carried on and when I got there I ate my last sandwich and realised that if I was spending all this time thinking about it and not just doing it, then it was probably a bad I dea. So I cut down Earing Crag and headed back, I had already done 8.5 miles at this point. I worked out while I had sat there that it would made my trip about 18 miles roughly. The distance would of been fine but not the best idea when feeling the way I had and with no more food.

Bowfell

On the way down I decided I was going to pack up my tent and go back home as didn't relish a night spent sleeping in the car. I had done what I went there to do, altohugh unfortunately not with Bow Fell. The last 3 miles felt like an eternity along the road, I did think about calling in at the pub at the foot on the Langdales for some dinner but decided I would save the money and eat something at the car before driving home.

Once back to the car I ate a sausage roll and then packed up the tent. When I had been walking along the road to the camp site it had been very hot, sunny and calm. The moment I got to the camp site it was blowing a gale. It must be like a funnel for the wind the way the valley was shaped. I pretty much threw everything in the car and set off for home. Having enjoyed the walk over Crinkle Crags other than the short dizzy spell.

I learnt some important lessons, mainly make sure you eat plently of food and don't rush preparing your gear. I think it also a good idea not to tackle something that could potentially be dangerous in the conditions I was in, so I made one good judgement. A good nights sleep is also something that is desirable!!

Below are a few more pictures (best when full size)...
For even more pictures I have just added them all to my Picasa Web Album.

(Above) ridge in the centre is where I descended, maybe called Buscoe?

(Above) view up the valley after starting the climb

(Above) View from Crinkle Crags looking down the valley (my favourite)

(Above) Cloud enveloping Scafell and Scafell Pike, heading my way

Cloud wisping around behind me on top of the Crinkles

Day 1 - Trip to the Lakes

I slept in on the day I was travelling to the lakes, eventually got up at 9am. I finished packing all my stuff up and threw it in the car.

The drive was quite uick and easy until near Temple Sowerby where some temporary traffic lights caused a traffic jam or a mile. Otherwise the trip was eventless :-)

I needed to stop in Ambleside to buy a map, my dads map of the Langdales had vanished. Ambleside is a nigthmare with a one way system and the first 2 car parks where full. I eventually found another and walked into the town. Obviously I headed straight for the toilets, could remember exactly where they were even though I hadn't been for 12 years. Then I noticed Gaynors and could remember someone on the internet saying it was a good outdoors shop. I had no idea how huge it was, with several different levels. It was being in a sweep shop and I had a credit card in my pocket. Oh no close my eyes, don't buy anything!!
I managed to resist somehow from buying anything other than 2 maps. When I win the lottery I will be back, hang on I did win the lottery last night. Don't think £10 will get me far though.

I decided I wanted to get out of Ambleside as quickly as possible, it was absolutely heaving with people. So I continued on towards the Langdales.

I drove past the car park for walking up the Langdales and continued on towards the Camp site I was planning on staying at. As I was approaching there was a massive sign "Camp Site Full", shit, bollocks, crap. I couldn't book up, it was first come, first served only. No bookings!!

I decided to stop at the pub at the bottom of Langdale Pikes to have a half of lager while I decided where to go. I ordered a half of Fosters from a nice lady with a foreign accent. She returned with a pint, but I decided not to mention she got the order wrong and just pay for it. I dont like drinking and driving even though 1 pint is under the limit. I sat outside wishing the lady on the table next to me would shut up about her friends relationship falling apart. The man with her was obviously thinking the same thing. I remembered I had seen some tents a mile or 2 back along the road, so set off to find them. I drove along and after 4 miles decided it wasn't this far back. I stopped and studied the map and could say there was a camp site in Chapel Stile, a small village I had driven through. I managed to find the site which had about 60 or 70 tents on it. It was basically a farm with a toilet and shower block and a place to wash up. It looked good enough for me. I tried to pay but there was a sign saying to pitch your tent and pay between 7-9pm or 8-10am.

I setup my tent and read my book for a while then decided before 5 that I would walk down the pub and see if I could get a something to eat and a drink. The pub was called the Wainwright Inn, an appropriate name with me being there to walk some of the hills in his books. The pub didn't serve meals until 6, so I got a pint of lager and sat down outside and watched the people and cars go by, while admiring the view. I got another pint while waiting and just after 6 went back in to see about ordering some food. The pub had filled up, there was only a couple of people when I first got there but it was now busy. I asked the lady for a Magners and tried to order some food. I was told that they don't start serving until 6, I apologised and said I had thought it was 6. She looked at the clock and rather bluntly told me that she was on her own and was very busy, I went back outside to wait. I drank my Magners in about 10 minutes and went back in again. There was now 3 different people beind the bar, so I asked to order a meal, he looked at me blankly, so I said "food". He said he knew what I meant and told me the queue was around the corner. There was a massive queue and nowhere to sit inside (was cold now outside). I thought "Fuck this" and left, I had waited around for well over an hour and wan't waiting any longer.

I walked back to the tent and ate a sausage roll I had bought from the butchers in Crook before I set off. I actually bought 5, just in case. It was just as well!

Toilets at the farm buildings in the distance

I then spent the rest of the evening reading and listening to music, with frequent trips to the toilet because of the 4 pints I'd drank. Bad idea to park quarter of a mile from the toilets and too many people about to go in the trees.

When it got dark I settled down to get some sleep, I couldn't sleep because the wind was starting to pick up. I had my headphones on so couldn't hear too much but could feel the tent flapping a bit. I laid there until about 2:30 when the wind became even stronger and the whole back of the tent was leaning in over. The carbon fibre poles on the dome tent were bendind in towards me in the wind. I tried to straighten up but they just kept blowing back inwards. I held them out over for a while. Eventually I had enough and went to sleep in the car, I just couldn't get comfy in the back seats. I sat there until it got light listening to some music, then read my book until it got near 6 o'clock. When I decided I would have some breakfast (a tiny bowl of cereal). I then made my sandwiches for the day ahead but thats in my Day 2 post.

Away for a few days

I went to Bishop this morning to look for some shoes in Clarks. It's not really the sort of shoe shop I would normally go in, they didn't have anything I wanted. So I ended up with no new shoes. I needed the new shoes because I was supposed to take them with me when my feet are measured for my insoles. I just yook my old shoes so he could see what I would normally wear and my new trainers and walking shoes.

He explained more about what was wrong with my feet and what was happening to my knees. My left leg is longer than my right by about a centimeter. Which was fairly obvvious when he got me to bend knee. When I bend my right knee my whole upper body twists as it should but it barely moved when I bent my left knee.

Anyway he is making me 2 pairs of inserts and I will get them next week.

I am going to the lakes tomorrow for a few days on my own, haven't decided how many exactly but intending to stay at least 2 nights so far. I am going to try to get in a campsite in Great Langdale near Ambleside. You can't book in advance, its first come first served. Although there are 300 pitches and can't imagine all of them being full!

I am hoping this will give me some time on my own away from everything and everyone to help me decide where I am going with my life. I am gonna try to walk fairly slowly and take my time. I have a couple of walks planned in my head. Normally I would plan the walks on the computer then let my GPS guide me but not this time. I need to buy a map in Ambleside then I am just gonna read off the map (so probably never hear from me again). Intending to walk Crinkle Craggs and Bow Fell one day and Langdale Pikes another.

I don't intend to email any posts to this blog when I am away. I want to cut myself off from everything for a couple of days and just enjoy life without computers. I will have my phone but don't intend to use it. I got 4 books out of the library and will probably take a couple with me and just read in the tent when I'm not walking. There are a couple of pubs fairly close and will probably pop in for an hour or so on a night for a meal, I am not taking a gas stove will just eat cold food other than whatever I get in the pub.

I have done enough writing on here I need to continue sorting out my gear to take.

Drunk

I was obviously more drunk last night than I realised, just read what I wrote on here. Suprised that I didn't say more than I did. I wont be drinking much anyway over the next couple of months, need to get as fit as possible in preparation for the Great North Run.

I think it is a good idea not to drink because looking back at last night I was obviously getting quite angry at times and talking rubbish. I don't want to be out drinking and lose my temper. I was going to go out to Sedgefield this Friday but after reading my blog that may be a bad idea!

I can remember what I said last night but I thought it was part of a dream or something, lol. Weird how alcohol seams to hit me an hour or so after I stop drinking. I can obviously not drink a lot anymore. I have thought about completely stopping drinking in the past!

TRUST, thinking and some walking...

I am hoping to go to the lakes for a couple of nights this week. I think after my previous post it is certainly the right thing to do. I need to be alone and need go cheap, even sleeping in the car looks good.

I have basically been waiting for 5 weeks for stuff from work and have had enough, I was told that it was probably Thursday at the soonest before I would know anymore. It is disgusting not only for me, but the people in my team at work who are having to cope with being 3 staff down. 2 left and me being suspended for complete bollocks!

I have to buy some more shoes in the morning and take them with the trainers I bought at the weekend to to the see the Podiatrist, who will then make me some inserts for my shoes.

I have tried to create some challenges for myself this year, such as the Great North Run but never expected for "friends" to put obstacles in my way like they have. Maybe I owe them a thanks for making me stronger and making me realise who my true friends really are (thank you?)

I needed a big challenge this year (not this), I am in training for the Great North Run ( I will do it). I will never give up and will just get angrier and angrier until I make it, never give up...


I have come close to falling apart over the last few weeks but in the end I remember the greatest speech ever spoken "We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender!"
If you are British and don't know it, shame on you. Winston Churchill spoke some of the greatest speeches in some of the hardest times of modern life. Maybe one day we shall find a new true leader?

Sometimes I feel alone in the respect I feel for those that laid down their lives to give those of us the life we lead today. There is just no respect for the people that gave their lives for us. Why don't schools teach the pupils properly about the world wars and what they caused for the world and their inhabitants?

No I am not drunk, I just am often disgusted at the way we treat our country, people, friends and family.

While deciding what I wanted to do in my life I tried to look at everything. When leaving school I seriously thought about the army but decided against it because of my short fuse and being unable to take someone shouting at me. I have changed over the last couple of years although still not sure I can take someone having a go at me. My mother doesn't think I could, although she also said she never thought my cousin would either, yet he spent several years in the TA. Which is what I have been looking at.

I just want to spend some time getting fit with a group of people who you can TRUST, learn and enjoy being with. I would have seriously thought about joining the regular Army but obviously I have the previous concerns and couldn't afford to pay my bills on the basic wage.

As I said at the beginning of this post I am hoping to go to the lakes for a couple of days camping and walking. I would hope my final decisions will take place then!

Fuck 'em

Sometimes keeping my mouth shut is very hard and it wont stay shut much longer. I think over 5 weeks of lies is far too long...

Today I was going to go for a walk locally after according to the weather forecast it was supposed to rain. I was hoping to go to the lakes and walk Blencathra and Sharp edge but changed my mind because of the forecast.

I stopped around the house but did go to B&Q to lok at some grass seed for the garden and went shopping in ASDA. I cooked some fish and chips with cury sauce and sat down in my parents garden talking to mam while I ate them. I was intending to only be there 20 minutes but must of been there over 90 minutes talking.

I am actually quite happy because I have had enough of being the "perfect" employee and doing what they asked. Over 5 weeks of getting shit is enough and wont take much more, if I am still waiting after this week then I don't really give shit what they say. No one should have to put up with what I have. I am still smiling but underneath I could pull someones head off and that is being nice!

I have gone out of my way to help people both in work and personally and in the end you are treated like shit, why did I ever bother?

I think I am doing well considering I have drunk one or two tonight not to spill my guts. Trust no one, as those you think you consider friends are often all too happy to stab you in the back when you least expect it...FUCK them and I am sure life will deal them a blow (here's hoping and knowing).

Sinchronicity

I mentioned it last week, but just watched the next episode and it has to be the best series on TV. I was bad laughing at some parts, and others just couldn't keep my eyes off the gorgous Jemima Rooper. Not only is she gorgous but an excellent actress.

The series is fantastic, I mentioned it to Val who watched it. Think she liked it as well??

Awaiting your comment Val?

Unleashed

Unleashed: Just watched this movie and I thought it was fantastic. I can't remember the last time I saw a martial arts movie with a good plot.

I have had this for a while but put off watching it because it was about a man who was kept like a dog, its American title is Danny The Dog. So I expected it to be a bit crap. How wrong I was!

If I had realised it stared Morgan Freeman I would of probably watched it sooner as he is probably the best black actor ever, with Denzel Washington not far behind.

If you like martial arts movies, in fact even if you don't watch this.

I am gonna give it 9 out of 10 it was that good. Maybe I got carried away because it was a martial arts movie with a good story but did really enjoy it.

Cool Hand Luke

Cool Hand Luke: I watched this last night, its one of those films I have been intending to watch for ages. I hadn't looked at the plot and knew nothing about it other than it was in the top 250 movies and that it starred Paul Newman.

Its from 1968 but it has stood the test of time quite well and I think most people would enjoy the movie. Unless you are someone who likes special effects galore.

There are quite a few famous scenes in the movie like the egg eating and also the "Failure to communicate" phrase which is used at the beginning of Guns N' Roses - Civil War.

I really enjoyed the movie and gave it 8 out of 10, if I could of given half marks I would of given it 8.5.

circulation restored

i got the circulation back in my hands a couple of minutes after my
last my post, so i may as well write a little more and carry on boring
anyone bored enough to read this.

while i wrote the last post i was listening to my top tracks on my
ipod. its the songs i have rated 4 or 5 stars. i started thinking how
so many of the songs bring back memories of places and people. here
are some examples, Silicone Soul - Right On, Right On makes me think of my holiday in
america especially Las Vegas. Stereo MCs -
Freestyler reminds me of a holiday to Tenerefe. Warrior - Warrior
reminds me of walking around Tunstall soul searching. U2 - Original of
the species makes me think of a good friend. Queen - who wants to live
forever reminds me of when i used to go fishing with my dad, uncle and
cousins husband in the ninties, it was when Freddie Mercury died.
there are lots of other songs that bring back all sorts of memories
some good, some bad.

I am sure most people could do the same but music does seam to play a
part in my life and i am always listening. Its just a shame that i am
shite whenever i tried to play an instrument and haven't really got
the patience to learn. i certainly can't sing either.

maybe i should work in a record store, although cant see there being
many in the future. i can remember years ago dreaming that i had a job
in a radio station and my job was to listen to all the songs and sort
them so they were named properly and write what the lead time was
before the singing started. i dreamt that a few times. that does
actually sound good to me, getting paid to listen to music and would
be using a computer for most of it now.

shite my fingers have lost circulation again. i need to get up in the
morning as well so i really should stop writing shite for tonight!

dangerous

i am laid in bed again trying using my phone. i could use my laptop
but its flat and dont want to get out of bed to plug it in. helps me
keep these posts shorter using my phone. actually that probably isn't
true the last one was longer than most i would write at the computer.

The dangerous in the title was because i can often be too honest when
writing laid in bed. afraid there wont be any opening of my heart
tonight, think it broke a long time ago ;-)

i am not really tired, think i have reverted to my default body clock
timings. anyone who has known me for a while will know that i dont
sleep very well or at least i can never get to sleep. never want to
get out of bed in the morning either. since i got my own house i had
managed to get up earlier and get to sleep earlier than i ever could
before. now that i have been off work for a while and probably because
i have had a lot on my mind i just cant get to sleep. even when i have
been running and walking i still lay awake for hours. i probably know
how to fix it though and hopefully will do in the next few weeks.

i keep mentioning that i need to get a new job. it is strange how just
before my current hassle i had decided i would wait it out to see how
things worked out at work. then since my world fell apart. that is
obviously someone trying to tell me it was the wrong decision, lol.

i have been thinking through what i would like to do and to be honest
i am still as confused as ever. i have even looked at the army. i
thought about joining when i left school but decided with my short
fuse it would be a bad idea and couldn't take someone shouting in my
face. i have changed quite a bit since then although know i still have
a short fuse. these days i try to avoid any situation that cause me to
lose it, joining the army could just end up lighting the fuse. i
couldn't afford my house on the pay. i decided to look into joining
the TA though and have been sent some stuff to look at. this could be
a better option, although giving me a gun and running around the
countryside with it could be seen as a bad idea. only kidding. it does
actually sound good, i would get fit, learn survival skills, shoot and
make friends that you can rely on. think i may of just talked myself
into it :-)

still think my ideal jobs would either be a countryside ranger or self
employed working with computers. both completely different jobs but
think that sums me up. i get bored doing the same thing day in day
out. i have said many times that is what attracted me to computers in
the first place, so much to learn. unfortunately working in the jobs i
have you normally dont get a chance to learn new computer skills
constantly that are interesting. trying to close in on what i enjoy
and am good at. i have always liked when someone asks me how to do
something that i dont know. i will figure it out then show the person
how to do whatever it is they asked. i am very quick at doing this
especially when it interests me. could that turn into a job i am not
sure.

this is why i like having a blog. it lets me think out ideas. is
probably very boring for anyone who happens to waste there life
reading my babbling.

well my fingers are losing circulation so i better stop writing!

Good to talk?

I can remember those BT adverts where they said "Its good to talk".

The majority of friends who have contacted me this week, only did so because they wanted me to do something for them. There are a couple of exceptions to that and I'm sure they know who they are. Yet when I think about it, none of those same people have ever done anything for me in the years I have known them. Suppose I've never asked anything of them but that's just the way I am I guess. Always helping but never ask for anything in return (friendship would be good). I know my dad has the same problem there a few people who do the same to him.

That's not moaning its just looking at my relationships with friends. Having said that I am as bad, I very rarely ever ring anyone just to talk when at home. Maybe I should start ringing mates for a chat. They will probably think I have gone nuts or am dying or something!!!

Silicone mess

I finally got around to putting some new silicone around my bath tonight (the exciting life I lead). I scraped the old stuff out weeks ago, it cracked when the bath was full and looked a mess. Guess thats what I get for using cheap shit.

I finally got off my arse and drove to B&Q anf bought some more. It started off quite well, using the back of my finger to smooth it along. Intended to use an old wooden peg but didn't have any or anything else suitable for the job. It was fine until I tried to clear some of the excess off afterwards and I have made it bumpy now because it had started to set and couldn't smooth it out again. I will leave it to harden and see what happens when I empty and fill the bath. If it doesn't crack I might leave it depends how bad it looks. If it cracks like before it wont matter anyway and will have to scrape it out again. I did find a brand a load of brand new wooden pegs in my cupboard after I had finished (sods law).

I'm supposed to be meeting up with a mate tomorrow but they were a bit drunk last night when they said that and haven't been able to get in touch with them today. If they don't turn up tomorrow I guess they're not, but I wont be happy as I have sent a couple of texts about it today. Just remembered I am trying to be positive and happy, so I will be slighly annoyed if they don't turn up but will still smile, lol.