Future and thinking

I heard some bad family news tonight which has made me look at my life
again, which i already was doing after my birthday.

Recently i've become lazier and lazier and had no motivation but i
can't carry on like this. I'm wasting time, there are lots of things i
could be doing and experiencing.

Rather than setting specific tasks at the moment i should think of
some rules or almost mission statements to live my life by. Yeah sad i
know but i've had one for a long time but don't stick to it enough:
Live each day as if it's your last.

All i ever mean by this is to enjoy each day because you never know
what will happen the next.

Another thing i've tried to do is say YES to things when asked. It's a
good way of trying new things, meeting new people but can become
expensive, lol.

I'm going to do some thinking over the next couple of days and really
look at what and who is important to me.

Blencathra via Hall's Fell

Distance: 6.7 miles
Wainwrights: Blencathra

I went for this walk yesterday with Hayley. We wanted somewhere that was fairly close to us, so we didn't have to drive for too long. I chose not to go up the Sharp Edge route, but still chose Hall's Fell ascent. I found it easy but it was harder than I expected.

We had a really good day and both enjoyed some of the easy scrambling up Hall's Fell Ridge.

I've been saving this mountain for a special day but decided it fitted the bill for what we wanted. I will save the Sharp Edge route for another time though :-)

I didn't take many pictures unfortunately but here's a couple...

(Above) From the top of Blencathra looking West along the ridge

(Above) looking along the ridge again with Derwent Water behind

(Above) Looking down Middle Tongue, with Hall's Fell Ridge to the left.

(Above) Me at the top of Blencathra looking as un-photogenic as always.

Phone Testing

You can see from the last couple of posts that I have been testing out sending photos from my N95 phone. I am hoping I can use the phone to take some of the picture when I'm in Canada and upload them via Wi-Fi to the internet. People could then see where we've been while we are still away.

Besides for taking pictures and uploading them, I've managed to get the phone to geo-tag the images. This means that in Flickr you can then see on a map where they were taken.

If you look at this link, it shows the 1 test image I've tried to far. Any pictures I take in the future will show up on that same map.

The main draw back is the image quality, pictures of scenery just don't come out very well. Closer pictures look good, but for a phone I guess it's good. I'm taking my normal camera as well, Kay has hopefully ordered her camera today. So between the 3 cameras we should have some decent pictures :-)

Test from phone

Another test

Testing photo blogging from phone

This is a test sending an image from my phone and blogging it using shozu.

Good Day

Well it was a good day, it was fairly lonely until tonight. I've had texts and emails from several friends, from down the street to Germany and Spain. Strangely someone from my form at school also contacted me today. I haven't spoken to to him since I left school in 95.

Anyway its been a good day. I'm up to number 34 on that list, started at 100 remember (see previous post). Tempted to listen until the end but it will be about 4am by then and would have to be up by 7 at the latest!!

Previous challenges and some music

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I was gonna set some plans for the future but failed to mention about the ones I set at the beginning of the year. 2 of them recorded on the right side of this site have stalled. Wainwrights and 1001 Albums.

The Wainwrights I changed my outlook to walking during the West Highland Way, I decided that its not necessarily about racing over peaks, its about enjoying it and taking in the views. So I decided I wouldn't try to do all the Wainwrights this year but over the next couple of years. I have been busy with other things like sorting out my Holiday the last few weekends. I will resume the Wainwrights after the holiday :-)

The 1001 Albums I can't see me completing this year, but I don't need to unless I die at the beginning of next year. The full title is 1001 Albums to listen to before you die. I said I'd die young but don't think its next year but you never know.

I still like my lists of music, started working through someones 100 Best Songs Ever list from Last.FM. He has similar music to me, so thought I'd give them a listen. Here's the list, I'm working back over from 100. So far I'm up to 63!

Spending

I have finally succumbed and bought another iPod, I have always intended to buy another but was going to buy one in Canada to save money. Yet I never actually got around to seeing how much I'd save until tonight. I would save £20, bollocks to that. I'd rather take an iPod filled with music with me. If anything goes wrong as it has twice before it's easier to send back if bought in UK.

So I've gone months without an iPod for nowt. It's costing me £208, it works out at £187 in Canada. I bought a book to take to Canada as well, Relentless by Simon Kernick.

Finally I can listen to the latest music again in the car without having to write CDs :-)

The Future

I suppose first I should mention the job. I have spent dozens of posts moaning about it. I read a post from June 29th last year moaning about how sick of it I was and needed a kick up the arse to sort the situation out. Little did I know that less than a week later I got a fucking pile driver. Yet rather than jumping and giving in which would of been all too easy I stuck it out. At the moment things are looking better and for the first time in a long long time I've stopped back later at work a few times of my own choosing in the last couple of weeks. Even more strange is I spent 6 hours last night, 2 of them on my Birthday (midnight-2am) doing stuff for work. Don't worry sneaker pimps I haven't brought any international secrets home that I was intending to mail to the News of the World (not last night anyway). I was sat writing code that I could use for some stuff at work, now that's more like it, something useful to both work and me. They get my time (wont be claiming it) and skills and I learn something and feel happy.

So now that work is starting to get better until the next crisis, I will probably now decide to leave. Gemini's always like change and hop from thing to thing, rarely completing stuff. There are just to many things to learn and experience. Life is becoming a bit too mundane and I'm feeling old. So I need something to challenge me:

I will be looking the the future for the rest of the week and planning a few things. Although this time I am going to try as hard as I can to stick to the plans. Yes I make plans constantly and very rarely complete any, because I quickly lose interest. Variety and new experiences it what I need.

Time for a bit more think, the one thing I do so well :-)

Birthday

Today is my Birthday, another year gone and I'm still single. The best thing about that though is not having anyone nagging me all the time. I'm sure there are plenty of benefits to being attached but I'm looking at positives today :-)

I had planned to do the North Yorkshire 3 Peaks today but decided last night that it wasn't going to happen today. I didn't fancy getting out of bed before 5, especially when I didn't go to bed until after 2. I'd changed the plan to walking my adopted paths in Wolsingham.

The plan changed again when I eventually crawled out of bed at 11. The plan was to do nothing that involved exercise. What was I to do, stay in bed?

No, I decided I'd go for a drive up the dale. Going back 10 years I'd do this almost daily and at least every weekend. Recently I've not been going there, these days now I getting old, I think about the price of petrol and stay in the house, walk or run. I'm not that bad, I've just not driven about the dale so much.

I went up to Cow Green Reservoir, stopping at the shop just up the bank for a sausage roll (3 of them) and a Red Bull. Oh the memories, I used to always do this, well not Cow Green normally :-)

When I got to Cow Green I thought I'd have a walk from the car park to Cauldron Snout but remembered I wasn't supposed to be doing exercise, lol. Actually I just couldn't be arsed!

I set the GPS on my phone away on the way back and using it decided to explore some of the back roads around the tops, that I'd never been along before. Exploring, how exciting :-)

I didn't do too much exploring because I know most of the roads and I'd need a 4X4 for some. I was going to put the map of my route on here but its very big and would mean lots of stitching maps together (not today).

I found some nice view points of the dale, would be good to take a lady for a romantic drive. Erm yeah right...

I saw just how lazy people have become while driving up to Hill End. I watched 2 farmers or shepherds what ever they're called nowadays (agriculture workers?). They spent absolutely ages trying to move some sheep up the road to a different field. They were both sat on a quad, oh and the dog, even the dogs have become lazy. They struggled trying to move the sheep up the road while riding the quad, beeping their horn as they went. The sheep weren't taking much notice either and they had to about drive into them to make them move. Eventually they got the dog to try and heard them by pointing at a sheep (can they not whistle and shout?) The dog looked and didn't seem to know what to do, the bloke was still pointing at the sheep.

Finally the man on the back decided that because they had been on 5 minutes and moved about 20 yards that he needed to get off the back and actually do something. So he got off and walked 5 yards scattering the sheep in several directions up the road. He waved the cars past the sheep which they had totally lost control of and on I went. Was this some new towny who thought he would move to the country and be a farmer, god I hope so because otherwise it looks like there is no hope for keeping traditional ways. What next GPS trackers on every sheep where you can give electric shocks to different sides of the sheep so you can steer them to where you want them to go, while the farmer/shepherd stares at his computer. Maybe there's an idea to make some money, I better patent it, lol ;-)

I suppose farmers are just mirroring the rest of us, who are all becoming lazier and lazier. Driving to places that we could easily walk to, buying things for convenience and paying people to do jobs that in the past people would do themselves. We have become very LAZY. Most of us sit there watching TV with the excuse that we just don't have time. We find plenty of time to watch TV and surf the internet though!

Wasn't this post entitled Birthday, I have digressed just for a change. ooh Mental As Anything and Live It Up has just come on. Some songs just make you smile, I was anyway though.

Hey yeah you with the sad face
Come up to my place and live it up
you beside the dance floor
What do ya cry for let's live it up

The point of this post was supposed to be to say how things had changed since this time last year. The short answer to that is, I'm a lot happier. I'm trying to see the positives of stuff more and feel better. At the moment I'm still feeling a bit worn down but not as bad as a week or so ago, overall though I'm happy. There is only one thing missing in my life and as I've said countless times it's someone to share things with. The good and the bad, my life would feel more complete if only I could find that woman. The search goes on...they will have to be someone special to put up with me :-)

I should look back at the women I've been out with and I guess there is only 1 that I still love but sometimes things are not to be. I was writing on here a couple of weeks ago about what I thought was important in a relationship. I think the first things I said were TRUST and HONESTY. This is probably because most people I've gone out with, there hasn't been much of either. I did try being more of a twat at one point in the last year but I felt really bad, although it did work and the woman did want to meet me again. I haven't though!

Tonight I think I will sit down with some Magners and watch a film. The joy of celebrating your Birthday alone, still smiling though :-)

Music

I've spent most of the night listening to new releases on Napster. I decided I'd have a night chilling out and hopefully finding some decent new music. I was suprised how much I liked The White Stripes new album "Icky Thump".

Even a single I heard from Mel C sounded good, although it was a remixed version.

A band that is new to me "The Ghosts" sound fairly good, only listened to half the album so far. Stopped because for some reason my Xbox is refusing to log it on Last.FM and I can't have that, my stats wont be correct, ARGHH!

I like The Holloways cover of "All I have to do is dream" as well.

I'm missing not having my iPod, I used to listen to some of the new releases in the car but can't be arsed to write them to CD every week. I should be buying a new one in Canada. Although I could do with it being full of music for when I get there. I will review how much I'm gonna save!

Run Off

I decided a few days ago that I probably wasn't going to do the 3M Newton Aycliffe 10K. I'm entered, but I've felt so worn out this week and have done no training that I'd just get frustrated with myself.

It's a shame but know its the correct decision. Today I actually felt a lot better after having about 10 hours sleep last night. I sat down and watched a movie and ate popcorn while drinking a few bottles of bud. No way I'm running now, lol.

Holiday

I spent a couple of hours today hopefully finalizing where we are staying in Canada. We are still waiting for confirmation for the place in Kingston but fingers crossed it should be OK.

So I decided to do a Google Map showing where we are staying and start to add some of the stuff we are hoping to visit. I haven't finished it yet, but for the moment this is it:

Canada Holiday Google Map

You are best clicking the link above because the one below doesn't fit in the blog very well :-(

INXS

I went with Kay tonight to see INXS at Newcastle City Hall. I really enjoyed it, before going I wasn't sure what it was going to be like with a different singer. He sounds a lot like Michael Hutchence!

Its definitely worth going to see them if you get chance :-)

tv, money and stuff

changing subject from the last post.

I've been wanting to get sky tv in over the last couple of months, sick
of not seeing football or the boxing. Yeah i know most of the football
has finished for a while. The cheapest i could get sky in for was £34
and i couldn't justify that just for sky sports.

The brother in law rang tonight to tell me about a half price deal
where it will only cost half that a month for 12 months and you get i
sky+ or HD box for half price as well. If was saying it would be
better to get the HD with that offer. I dont have i tv that supports
it though so don't wanna pay an extra £10 a month. I have found myself
constantly drawn to the tvs over the last few weeks but i really can't
afford the nice 37" plasma i would like :-(

Even ignoring tv stuff i need to sit down and sort out my finances. I
have to get back into the match betting as well to make some money!

Maybe i've won the rollover jackpot tonight and i can buy the things i so need:
Tv, bike, paving, fencing, kitchen roof, sofa, table and chairs, windows....

i'm laid in bed listening to future chill having just put down 'the
munros and tops' which i have just started to read. I need to chill
out a bit several times over the last couple of days i can feel myself
getting angry, not just where you a slighly annoyed with someone but
the start of where i really lose my temper and at times i could feel
that i wasn't too far off snapping when people said or did something
that usually i would laugh at.
There's a few reasons i think why i feel this, i'm really tired and
just generally run down. There's also a few things that have happened
to friends that i'm angry about. I've not been really doing the things
that have kept me calm over the last few months, like walking and
running.
It's my birthday a week today, i need to take the day off to review
the last year, what a year. From a low point where i didn't want to go
on to being really happy sat on the top of several hills and
completing 3 races.
This year i let myself cry for i think only the 3rd time in memory. I
still can't see the point in it and didn't really make me feel any
better. I think it was more about feeling comfortable enough with
myself to allow it. Can't see me doing it again though anytime soon,
lol.
Getting away from the last year and more to recent times, i found
myself feeling a bit of jealousy today. I'm not gonna explain why
because it was stupid and pointless but i guess you can't help
feelings, wish i could!

I really can't wait to go on holiday, i know i need a little bit of
time on my own to sort my head out before i go or i'm not gonna enjoy
it as much as i should. My birthday is the day for that i think. Not
sure walking the north yorkshire 3 peaks is the best for spending time
mulling things over. I would probably be better climbing up a peak and
sitting at the top contemplating things.
I suppose i should say that my job is feeling better at the moment,
gradually working through the backlog but there are still too many
things that really frustrate me.
As i seem to mentioning most of the things on my mind i may as well carry on.

I still feel really lonely if i'm honest i just wish i had someone
special who i could share things with. I get sick of people saying how
nice i am but i learnt a long time ago that being nice gets you
nothing. Other than used constantly maybe. Where are all the honest,
single woman who just want to enjoy life. Maybe they don't exist?

Something else i heard today was how much of a complete fucking lying
twat someone is. They had the nerve to blame me for something they had
done. They want to hope they never meet me again. Somethings i can
never forget!

I definetly need to get some of this anger out of me before it gets
any worse. Why can you just never trust people. If only everyone was
honest, too many 2 faced people and far too many secrets.

Not sure the chill out music is working. Writing some of this is just
getting more wound up thinking about things. Maybe i should either
stop or change subject!

testing posting photos

Testing sending a picture from phone. This is in preparation for holiday. Looks like it works ok if i can find wifi :-)

Holiday can't come soon enough

I can't wait for my holiday, both of us really need it. Kay probably even more than me.
I just feel lethargic all the time and can't motivate myself at all, trying to figure out what's causing it but really don't know.

It's my Birthday next week, I'm hoping to take the day off and do the North Yorkshire 3 Peaks. Hopefully while doing this it will give me some time to sort things out in my head and understand why I feel so tired.

There isn't really anything wrong in my life at the moment, which is why its so puzzling. Thought about diet but even when eating healthily it doesn't seem to make any difference. I have put on a little bit of weight which doesn't feel good and haven't had as much exercise. Barely been walking since getting back from Scotland :-(

I'm really looking forward to my holiday, it will be good to get away from everything :-)

Music and Driving

I've noticed the relationship between driving and music for years but was thinking more about it today when rushing to one of the offices. I was listening to dance music and driving very fast and I always tend to drive fast when its dance music.

If I listen to something more chilled like Air or something more mellow like David Gray, I drive more relaxed and thoughtfully.

I think this applies to feelings in general when listening to music, if depressed it's probably best not to listen to Nirvana or something like that. Although you do understand what Kurt Cobain was on about when listening while feeling down.

Music can help change your mood but it doesn't always work. I've tried listening to Dance music when unhappy but it can just magnify the feeling and make you even more angry, which isn't good when it makes you drive fast.

That's enough of my ramblings, I know what I'm on about but it probably makes no sense to anyone else.

planned

i don't seem to of done much this week or not that i can remember. I
stopped in tonight and watched tv and am gonna have to do that until
my holiday. My mates wanted me to go out to durham tomorrow night but
i can't spend that much money.

I have wrote a few things down tomorrow and tried to plan the day out,
so that i get some stuff done for a change. Normally when i do that
something happens and i end up doing nothing i planned.

I plan to run, go shopping, gardening, hoover, wash floor and a few
other things. The first challenge will be getting up at 7 on a
saturday when i'm not having to drive off somewhere early. Need to
make sure i don't just turn over!

Sluggish

It's been a few days since I wrote anything on here. For some reason I just haven't got around to it. I seem to have a complete lack of motivation at home, I feel totally drained and worn out. I came in tonight, got a quick bite to eat then fell asleep for 2 hours. I still feel shattered now even with the sleep and I've felt like that for over a week.

I have still made myself go out for a run a couple of times over the last few days, they are logged here and here. The run yesterday I enjoyed, now that have just about got over a cold. The beginning was hard because I had a stitch for 2 miles but that's what happens when you eat 2 chicken burgers and bacon, 45 minutes before running.

On Saturday night I went out with mates in Crook, I was supposed to be staying in and saving but after a look at what was on TV. I couldn't be bothered to do anything either, so decided to go out. It wasn't a bad night but have no idea how I got home. That really is the last time I'm going out until after Canada now. My mates are wanting me to go to Durham this Saturday but really need to save that money.

On Sunday night I went to watch the Masters Football at the arena in Newcastle. It was a good night, made even more sweet because Newcastle won on the night.

I'm really not sure what is up with me at the moment, maybe I just need some more fresh air, fruit and veg. I've been back eating shit for the last couple of weeks. Could be that which is making me feel so sluggish and tired.

I can't wait for my holiday next month, its exactly a month today when we fly (5th). A break away from everything is what I need, shame the Scotland trip didn't entirely give me that. I don't think the holiday is going to be very relaxing, there is so much we want to do. It will be a complete change, and supposedly a change is as good as a rest. My brain really has stopped working, each sentence I write, I have to go back over and correct all the mistakes. There's always mistakes, but not this many. Time for more sleep I think.