i was very tired today and at one point very angry, maybe it was
partly because i was tired. although the main reason is i am sick of
being told different things by different people and wrong information.
this has happened constantly over the last 2 months and has added to
the considerable strain i was already under.
everything is supposed to be resolved next week but i am less and less
sure i can do what they are asking me to do.
how can i apologise for things i haven't done, that goes against every
bone in my body. i may want the situation resolved but apologising for
things i haven't done and not being allowed to explain things amounts
to lying.
i am unhappy about how the current situation has been handled yet
again. too many people have been involved in the entire thing over the
last 2 months which is why i am constantly told the wrong thing.
after speaking on the phone today i had to go for a walk afterwards i
only went downstairs, stopped myself from walking around the block.
i had really hoped things would be a lot better and maybe they will
after next week but dont know if i can swallow my pride and dignity
not sure if that is the word i am looking for. if i word it correctly
maybe it will be ok but i will find it hard not to say too much.
wish i could win some money but i guess who doesn't.
on a more positive note i am going to watch the subways tomorrow night
in newcastle. i am going on my own and didn't ask anyone else to go.
sometimes i need to do stuff on my own. i am realising it more.
if i believed in star signs i guess i would be a true gemini. there is
always 2 sides to me. sometimes need to be around people other times
the complete opposite. different friends know me as completely
different people. if you asked some friends they would give you a
completely different description of me almost the opposite to other
friends. maybe i am schizophrenic.
these days i seam to question everything as well as moan about it.
today i could feel the worst of me was coming out and i felt like
complete shit. i was angry, upset, tired and confused. i went home
feeling physically sick and it wasn't from actually being ill. i don't
want to feel like that :-(
2 comments:
I am sure i am not the ONLY mate who thinks you are a cantanchorous (if i could spell it), miserable, moaning, argumentative pain in the ass. But as I am the same...maybe thats why we get on so well lol. Keep your chin up..and apologise for that person being the way they are...not for anything you didnt do...eg 'I am sorry you misunderstood because the way you felt was never my intention'. really you should be able to say ' i am sorry your head is so far up your own arse and that you think you are so lovely that you misread totaly innocent friendly banter for something completely out of context' but unfortunately you cant...so the other will have to do lol. And anyone one of your true friends will know this as you have bantered on with us in EXACTLY the same way. So try not to get yourself worked up because the people that really matter are the ones that know it is a pile of crap anyway. Enjoy the subways tonight...am so glad i am not going with you....still think you should have come to london with me to see Panic! at the disco.....you just have not taste lol.
You have mentioned more in that comment than I have in the last 2 months. I have always been very careful what I said. But the comment is gonna stay :-)
I didn't really like Panic! At The Disco maybe if I listened to them some more they would be OK, but wont hold my breath!
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