Bed or Not?

I'm not sure whether to go to bed yet, I will probably just lay there thinking about tomorrow and get more and more worked up and angry. Could be an idea to keep messing about on the computer until I can't keep my eyes open like I used to do for years.

I did want to go to bed early and get up for a run but not sure I will make it up in time. I have already organised my running gear and just ironed a shirt and stuff for tomorrow so I don't need to rush around in the morning.

A few people have given me advice on what to say tomorrow but will probably ignore all them and just say what I think is right. So wonder if I have a job after tomorrow then?

Still fairly pissed off that someone said it would all be at an end if what I said was acceptable (or words to that effect), grrr that makes me angry. I do nothing wrong yet my fate lays at someone liking or not liking what I say. Where's a lottery win when I need it?

Trying to tell myself to keep smiling but on the other hand I have ingrained in me now "Live each day as if its your last". I should stay true to myself and do exactly that (there must be a devil inside me).

I spend far too much time thinking about things, especially pointless stuff. We live in a world full of rules, do most of these rules make things better or just stiffle us and create pointless barriers? We are hearded about like sheep, I don't want to be a sheep, I want to be me!

Sometimes I let people into the chasm that is my head and allow brief glimpses of the goings on in there by writing on this blog. I am always constantly aware of who is reading it, which tends to hinder what I write. I don't undertstand most of what goes on in my head let alone try and write about it. I have never known anyone like me for having such an active mind once I try to relax.

I have a million ideas, thoughts, feelings, worries, hopes, desires, ... constantly jumping into view when I close my eyes. My head is like being in a gigantic room with thousands of screens and each one displaying a different thought, I will look at a screen and suddenly another will come into view then another and another. Every now and again one will remain in view for longer this will interest, upset, worry, intrigue me or various other things then I will move onto something else. This happens constantly until I am exhausted or until I have to get up. I don't actually see computer screens it was just an example of how my mind is constantly jumping from one thing to another. This isn't always a bad thing its my way of coming up with ideas, plans, decisions (on a rare occassion), it's how I work out things on my own.

I think I have mentioned before on here that I have many times dreamt exact situations exactly as they then happened. It starts as a case of De Ja Vu where things seam familiar then I realise that I know exactly what is about to happen. I don't just mean broad things I mean who is about to walk past, what they will be wearing, talking about right down to the minutest detail. I could tell you exactly what someone I was walking past was about to say or do even though I have never met them in my life. It is very strange, it hadn't happened for while until the last couple of months. Its happened on a couple of occassions, the last time on Friday when at the Robbie Williams concert.
I was stood there with Leila and it started like I described like De Ja Vu. I recognised a few people and what they were doing. Then I realised I knew what was about to happen, a lady I noticed and pointed out was very drunk. She fell down and just sat there on someones blanket and started talking away, then I knew who was about to appear and what was going to happen. I didn't mention it until now. There was another occassion on the night as well but wasn't as memorable and several occassions of extreme De Ja Vu.

I'm starting to wonder if these happen on occassions of extreme emotion, happiness, sadness, loss and on a rare occassion love. It would of been happiness on Friday :-)

I probably should of kept some of this post to myself, as I normally do.