alone

i have just set my ipod to random and its playing 'celine dion - all
by myself'. an appropriate song at the moment. its just been followed
up by one of my favourite songs of all time 'the beatles - a day in
the life'.

i have been feeling a lot more positive recently and been getting on
with life and trying to enjoy myself more. why is it that when things
start to go right, someone throws a curve ball and fucks up your life
without warning?

at the moment i am being prevented from telling anyone what is going
on, which is killing me.

life is full of challenges and i guess this is just one more but i
wont be defeated by this bollocks.

on a positive note i am on a total fitness mission and with the
determination i now have wont let me beaten or give in.

all by myself is an appropriate song because its how i feel at the
moment. i can remember writing on here last year "trust no one" how
right i was. the only person i can rely on is myself and my family and
a few very close friends that i would trust with anything.

often those you think are friends are anything but and are just a
judas. fuck now i am getting into religous shit. when i was walking
off the top of Ben Nevis the other week a man started preaching at me.
he said my name was religous although spelt differently. he said
stephen was a martyr and i better watch i dont get stoned on the way
down. it didnt happen on the way down but appears to be now, lol.
still got my weird sense of humour.