What a night I've had, went to Lisas to drop some music off as she kept hassling me about it. Also hoped that it would be obvious to her that I wasn't interested in her in anyway but friends. I was there about 15 minutes and we barely spoke, so I left. She texted me saying guess she could see how I felt.
She a little later started texting me to go back up, told her I wasn't. Sometimes should learn to be more careful what I write, coz she then wouldn't take no for an answer. Told me she was gonna turn up on my doorstep then I would have to talk. Tried everything but ended up having to go up just to stop her from turning up.
I went up there and she just started to laugh, saying did I really believe she would turn up. I wasn't taking any chances. She wanted to get back together but its never gonna happen. Just nothing there between us anymore. I just look at her and see her as a friend nothing else. Told her I didn't want to get together. Its been a year since we sort of got back together the last time for a few days and that was a nightmare, knew then that it would never ever work. Just wish she could see that, hope she has now.
She is still texting me saying how she had got it wrong again and is all her fault. I still for some reason try to be nice and say its not all her fault, but if I just agreed, maybe she would get the message. Sometimes try not to hurt peoples feelings too much but end up hurting people all the more.
Don't know how the hell I get myself into these situations, try to be peoples friend too much maybe instead of just cutting all contact with people.
Wasn't sure if I should write the above but in the past I've kept too much shit to myself. I should just say "I am not interested anymore, f**k off" but that's not me and do still care enough not to want to see her hurt anymore.
So much for working on my website tonight, done about an hours work if I'm lucky :-(
Think I should just ignore all women for a few weeks I seam to get nothing but grief and/or heartache. Got loads of other stuff to write down but think I will just write this for now!
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2 comments:
Know where your coming from Mr Horner....I too find it hard to be a bastard (although you may disagree having worked with me) but sometimes it is for the best. With Jana a couple of months ago, for the first time in my life, I basically told the girl to f**k off and while it felt a bit weird at first, I think its probably saved me a lot of shit since. The world is fundamentally not a nice place - people f**king eachother off all over the place and whilst I don't condone that or want to add to it, sometimes you have to look out for yourself and not other peoples. If the truth be known, I think Lisas f**king you about so tell her where to go....its all very well not wanting to upset her, but isn't she upsetting you at the moment? Reckon the rule has to be 'do unto others as you would expect to be done to yourself' - if others deviate from this, let them know that you're not happy and failing that tell them to f**k off as you don't need them in your life!! Right I'm off to the theatre for some culture....and a little bit of eyecandy! ;o)
Not sure she was upsetting me just making me angry (maybe the same thing). Been trying to keep away from anything that makes me too angry as I usually end up loosing it and hitting someone for the slightest thing.
Don't think I'm like that anymore or maybe just getting better at avoiding the situations. I would never of hit Lisa (never hit a woman and never would).
It looks like she has got the message and after a couple of messages yesterday where she apologised and then said she would delete my number, it looks like she might of done (I hope).
Does sound like you are even more pissed off than me at the moment. If I was in your situation I would take some time off and go on holiday, if I could I would go and see the woman you love (if she wants to see you?).
Anyway think we need a good laugh on the next night out, make sure your there!!
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