Exercise

I must be getting into this exercise stuff. Just finished working out and it is 12:30 after midnight!

Chest and arms are pumping now. Gotta keep this up all the time now and not give up like normal. I think it would be a better idea not to do it at this time of the night. I am gonna be like a robot tomorrow, stiff as hell...

Crazy Frog

Jesus what is the British music charts coming to when the Crazy Frog ends up Number 1. The song it is using is good but would rather hear the original Axel F song than this version. It is the 1st song that started out as a ringtone to go to number 1 in the UK. I hope it is the last!!

Holiday

I got an email back from the hotel in Scotland. They dont have any single rooms for one of the nights I want but I can have a double room for only a couple of pounds more. I will confirm with them tomorrow after I have confirmed the holiday with work.

Now I've gotta plan what I want to to the couple of days I am there and the rest of the week I am off.

Digital Camera

I decided to buy a digital camera today from Amazon. I've been looking over the last few days and was going to spend up to about £220 but after reading reviews and working out what I want it for, I ended up going for the camera above. A Kodak EasyShare LS743 which was nearly £100 less than that. It does everything I need it to. I also ordered a 512MB SD card and a leather case. I wanted this for when I go to Scotland.

I could of gone for something a lot more fancy but for how often I will use it there is no point.

Walk

I went for a walk to Shotley Bridge this morning with my dad, it was red hot. We stoppped to have a drink and something to eat in the field in the picture above, which was full of buttercups. The picture is poor quality because it was taken with my phone. It was nice walk. I was going to do another satellite picture but can't be bothered stitching all the sections together!

More positive

Still laid thinking.

my last couple of posts have sounded fairly negative, so been thinking more positive.

I seam to of finally got myself motivated to exercise and if anything i am having to stop myself from doing too much.

i said i didnt have much to look forward to that isnt true will be looking forward to a couple of days in scotland if i can get booked up.

I will also of paid of everything i owe by the beginning of july except for my car. So should have plenty of spare cash which i am hoping to save for when another house comes up. Me and saving dont normally appear in the same sentence. I normally live for today where money is concerned!

Guess i should try and get some sleep. If i cant at this rate i will be posting stuff all night.

Deep in thought

I sent am email to the hotel in scotland where i want to stay to find out if they have any rooms available. Hopefully i will get a reply tomorrow saying they have a room. If so i will give them a ring to book it.

After my last couple of posts its set me thinking about all sorts.

laid thinking about what is important to me. My family and close friends are the most important things i guess. After that i cant really think of anything much. I have met several people in the last year that mean a hell of a lot to me but it appears none of them have felt the same ultimately.

i think each time this happens i learn something and or become a little harder or maybe just less accessible emotionally. You can only be hurt or used so many times before it begins to take its tole. This makes me sound like i am really miserable or upset, i am not just reflecting on the last year.

I will be 26 in 3 weeks and it is like the last 12 months havent happened i am in exactly the same situation now as then. Single, same job, living at home, bored, not much to look forward to.

Again this makes me sound really miserable i am not just totally determined not to be saying the same in another 12 months. Having this blog will let me look back and see where i have gone wrong and hopefully stop me doing it again :-)

Thoughts on tarot

After my last post i have been thinking more about the tarot. Why i sometimes use it and what for.

I tend to use it when i have to make some big decision or i am feeling really down and cant see a way to make things better.

I didnt use it for either reason this time it was just because i had been talking about it. Although i think it is a good time to do some readings and help me sort out a few things.

whenever you have a problem most of the time you know how to fix it or get out of the situation reading the tarot can help you make yourself more certain of what you need to do. I am always a bit skeptical when i hear people saying they were told they are going to meet some person and they give descriptions and lots of detail all from a tarot reading.

I am not saying you cant know this. I have written here about things i have dreamt and they are as clear as watching a recording then a while later it happens and its like watching it again.

quite often people are in a vulnerable situation when they have a reading such as going through a divorce and they only hear what they want to hear.

Tarot Reading

I decided to do a general Tarot Card reading on me.
Above is the what I dealt (Click it for a larger image).

Below I have wrote what each position of the card is supposed to show and wrote the name of the card with a link to some more information on it.

1. The problem of circumstance surrounding questioner (3 of Swords)
2. What he/she is up against (The Devil)
3. The distant past (7 of Wands)
4. The recent past, present (5 of Swords)
5. The near future (Page of Pentacles)
6. The goal, aim or ambition of questioner (10 of Swords)
7. The questioners feelings (The Fool)
8. Outside factors (6 of Wands)
9. The questioners hopes and fears (The Sun)
10. The outcome (8 of Swords)

I wont write what I made of the above reading, I will keep it so myself. I only every use the Tarot to help sort things out in my head. The whole thing with Tarot to me is to help me make decision and clarify answers in my own head. Not to see exactly what is going to happen.
This was the 1st time I've looked at the cards since about January.

Day of Rest

I decided that today I woul juze laze about and do nothing. I didn't get out of bed until 12:30 anyway because of being so late.

I can't really think of anything much I've done today. I laid on the bed listening to music for while. Watched some of the Grand Prix and laid on the lawn in the Sun. So as you can tell I've done nowt.

Had to stop myself from working out as I wanted today to be a day off from it. I should be going for a walk tomorrow morning with my parents. They haven't decided where they are going yet either Weardale or Middleton-in-Teesdale. If they can't make a decision I'm just gonna get up and go on my own.

I might go out on my bike tomorrow afternoon as well depending on what time I get back from the walk.

Chat

Last night I thought I would go online and check my email before going to bed but ended up talking to Wendy (pictured above) for about 5 hours. Talked about everything from relationships to tarot cards. It was daylight when I went to bed (about 4:30). We had a really good chat, we originally got talking a few months ago because she is one of Angelikas best friends. Haven't spoke to Ang much recently we always seam to miss each other!

Good day

I got up and went fishing this morning with my dad, we never caught anything but it was good to get up and go down the river for some fresh air.

I have been working out a bit more recently as well, lifting weights and stuff. My abdominals are killing me from the crunches but "no pain no gain". Hopefully go out for a bike ride, walk or run tomorrow or maybe a couple of them.

Had a good day, havent done much else went for a drive to Wolsingham but otherwise just watched TV or lazed about.

I ended up watching Test The Nation on BBC. I scored 45 or adjusted for age 54!!!

Boxing

I went to watch Nigel Wright defend his belt against Alan Bosworth. I went with a couple of mates and had an excellent night. Nigel won!!!

The fight was being filmed for Sky Sports and I ended up on TV twice!!

The End!

I've got "The Doors - The End" running through my head. Thats because it is definitly over between me and Kelly, I more or less ended it a couple of months ago but we had still been in contact all the time and still really cared about each other but I wouldn't let it go any further until she ends it with the bloke she is living with.

I asked her if we were going to catch up soon, she said "Cant see us going anywhere been apart for 2 long best to stay frends until circumstances change x". She is right and that is more or less what I said when we split up.

Oh well whatever!!! :-(

Holiday

I've been thinking about what to do on my week off next month. I want some peace and quiet so I am going to go to Scotland for a couple of nights.



The picture above is of the hotel I am looking to stay in, Amulree Country Hotel.
I have been in the bar in the hotel a few times before years ago when I stayed in a house in Amulree on Holiday.

Its the perfect place to get away from everything and go walking and fishing. I'm only thinking about going for a couple of nights but will work it out and find out if there are rooms available.

Long day

It was a long day at work today, i put my head down and tried to ignore everyone and get some of my work done. I managed to get some stuff done but was then on helpdesk this afternoon. I never stopped as quick as i was putting the phone down it was ringing again. Cant go on like this its ridiculous.

Just cant wait for some time off to get away from everything. Think i need to make some big decisions nearly half the year is over and ive done nothing in the same position now as i was at the end of last year.

cant be arsed to write anymore.

Liverpool (Champions League Winners)

I've just watched Liverpool win the Champions League. I was going to walk off and stop watching the match at half time when Liverpool were losing to AC Milan 3-0. Luckily I didn't and Liverpool scored 3 goals to level. Then won on penalties. If Newcastle couldn't win anything the next team I would like to win stuff is Liverpool, so pleased they won!!

Meet The Fockers

I watched Meet The Fockers last night. It wasn't bad but was hoping for a really good laugh but it never really delivered. There were some parts that were funny but was just average. Don't really like Robert De Niro in Comedy films.

Thoughts

Im laid in bed aching from my sickly run mentioned below but it feels good to be physically tired rather than just mentally tired.

I am tempted to get up and do some crunches and press ups but will stop myself and do them in the morning.

To me, I feel overweight, most people looking at me probably wouldnt really notice any difference but I just feel slugish and out of shape. So I am gonna have to do something about it or gonna get worse...

I am going to try and get my life back on track everytime i think i am getting somewhere something goes wrong quite often it involves a woman :-(

I was supposed to of been going out for something to eat last week with Kelly but she never replied to me and hadnt contacted me for days. It was her birthday today so sent her a message wishing happy birthday. She replied just saying thx. Asked if she was ok and she had been ill with a kidney infection would of been nice for her to tell me. She has again gone quiet so think that says it all?

Its another birthday tomorrow, the person who i said i still really like but i better swiftly move on before i make things any worse :-(

I have supervision at work tomorrow which is where you talk over what you have been doing and whats going on and plan things that need doing. Hopefully officially book my time off next month when its my birthday. Think i should book a couple of days in Scotland. Looking at a hotel in a hamlet where i used to stay years ago. We used to rent a house then but would love to go back and see things again. Its a perfect place to get away from everything and think.

Gradually getting things sorted. I have been working on totally sorting out all my finances and within 6 weeks i will owe nothing but my car payments. The total payment commitments i will have will be around £300 and over half of that is the car. So will have some spare money but want to save as much as i can for a change.

Really looking forward to some time off work, all i am doing is answering the phone. Anyone who knew me a few years ago would know how much i hated that. I am sure i said in my interview that i didnt want a job that was helpdesk and was assured it wasnt. it wasnt for the 1st 9 months but seams to be these days due to me being at my desk more than anyone else recently. Think its time i stopped learning anymore so i can pass more stuff over like everyone else does.

Simon at work has asked for 2 months off later in the year to take some time out. He is wanting to go to Canada and guess go exploring. Think he has maybe been inspired by Ray Mear. I would love to be able to do something like that but would get bored spending the whole 2 months in one country even though Canada has so much but would love to travel around the states as well. There is no chance of me doing this as i cant afford to, no savings what so ever yet!

Could go on rambling on for ages but think i need some sleep.

Sickly Run

I went for a run again tonight, really didn't feel like going but made myself go out. I think it was a bad idea, I got two thirds of the way round and was gonna throw up. So had to stop running, I was knackered anyway. Its not a good idea to have something to eat before running, especially not dodgy beef covered with dumpling mixture stuff.

You can see where I went above not very far but I am so unfit at the minute even this is hard. Last year I would of done this no problem but suppose it is only the second time I've been running in months.

Ricky Gervais Live - Animals

Ricky Gervais Live - Animals: I haven't been in a rush to watch this because I was never a massive fan of the Office, but some of this I was in hysterics watching. Especially the Blue Bottle in the bath. As with most stand up comedy there are some parts that aren't as funny but would definitly recommend it.

Run

I got my arse out of bed at 9 this morning and walked to the postbox to post a DVD. Then decided to have a bit golf practise on the field outside, there had ben no one out there since I got up over an hour earlier but right on queue, 5 minutes after I went out some little lad came to play football. This happens every time I go out with a golf club. Not that I've been out for ages.

So decided to go for a run around Tunstall reservoir shown above, if I'm totally honest I didn't run the whole thing. I'm so unfit I only ran about two thirds of it. It was boiling especially at the top of the reservoir where it was sheltered.

Ringtone Dancer

Every so often you come across people making a complete fool of themselves but its all for our entertainment. Check the videos out of the Ringtone Dancer.

More friends

My last post mentioned getting in touch with friends again. There's a few others I need to keep in touch with a bit more. I haven't spoke very much to Angelika recently, sort of pleased she has got herself a man. I say sort of because she is as bad as me and is seeing someone who is attached (married). I hate to say it but don't think its gonna go anywhere :-(

Also one of Angelikas best friends, Wendy. I have hardly spoke to recently and think she probably could really do with all her friends to talk to. Her marriage last I spoke looked like it was about at the end. Will try to get in touch in the next few days with both of them.

Lastly but most importantly is Kelly Johnson (not the kelly I've mentioned previously). I've only known Kelly for just over a year but she has got me through so much in that time. It feels like we've been friends for a lot longer. I have been ready to walk out of my job and she's calmed me down, told her stuff that I'd never told anyone ever until then. She has been a true friend and owe her so much. BUT I forgot her birthday on Monday, I did speak to her briefly but she was out walking with her son so couldn't really talk. Hoping to go over in the next week and see her, Alan and Will (their baby, he's only a couple of months old).

Friends

It's suprising how many people read my blog (more than just me). Shame just about no one posts any comments :-(

I've been getting in contact with people I haven't spoke to in a while. One of the people I've been back in contact with is Laura (said I would mention you). We used to work together and were in the same year at School, not that I can ever really speaking at school?

I've got Laura to thank for going to America in the first place a few years ago, originally we looked at going on holiday together but think I pissed her off. So that never happened. For some reason I never asked Laura out, used to have one of those rules about not going out with people I work with, that and being too shy then. I'm pleased to say she is now happily married ;-)

Would be good to catch up properly and go for a meal but her husband wouldn't be too happy, so much for trust (that'll get me a telling off).

I've also passed someone else I used to work with (Sharon) a few times in Durham. We only ever say hello when passing . Did stop one day but she kept walking so felt like a tit. She was always miserable anyway (made me look like Mr Happy and that was when I was miserable).

I need to get back in touch with a few more people, some how myself and Jeremy who I went to America with and have known for nearly 10 years have lost contact the last few months. Last thing we were talking about going out drinking then never heard anymore. Will see if I can find his email address and get back in touch!!

The Return of the Living Dead

Just watched The Return of the Living Dead. Realised straight away that I'd seen this about 5 years ago. It is a really good film, anyone wanting a scary or serious horror dont bother watching it. If you like funny B movie horror then watch this. Its also got some good 80s Rock/metal music in.

Thoughts

I bought some Hay Fever tablets at dinner time. My eyes have been really soar and itchy & nose running the last week or so. I started thinking maybe i was getting it a year ago but just put up with it. Will see what happens over the next week.

Just don't feel motivated to do anything at the moment. I seam to be treading water at work getting nowhere fast. I'm much the same at home, get home and can't be bothered to do anything.

A week off work will hopefully do me some good, just don't really know what to do. Before I take time off I need to of planned what I'm going to do or I'm wasting my holidays. Starting to think maybe I should just go fishing & shooting. Its nice and peaceful and plenty of time to think
without anyone bothering me.

My brain still seams active though. Sat here thinking for all of human advances ultimately are we any happier than we were when we lived in caves. We used to just go out to hunt when we needed food and tried to stay alive and that was more or less it. In the modern world we seam to have more and more pressure and responsibility placed on us. For all our advances in technology and civilisation are people really any happier?

Most people are stuck in a job they don't like and only go to work to pay the bills (mine isn't bad) but would rather not go to work. Why work if you can get your own food and shelter for all our advances we just complicate things and have lots of possessions that we could do without (just nice to have them). Think a lot of people would say I couldn't do without a computer ;-)

Holiday?

I've been thinking about going on Holiday next month when its my Birthday. Really want to go back to Las Vegas but the flights are far too expensive. The cheapest flights I can find cost about £500 Return and thats from London so would have the cost of getting down there on top as well. Thats before the accommodation prices, I cant afford that much.

I don't really fancy going anywhere else abroad not that would cost less than that.

I definitely need to get away, so may go to Scotland like I was planning at the beginning of the year. The only thing that puts me off is the price there as well, nothing like going to Vegas but seams expensive when only a few hundred miles. If I want to be a skin flint I guess I could sleep in my car or a tent. I might look into how much it would cost to camp

Aims for the week

Over the next week I am hoping to be a bit more motivated rather than sat on my arse staring at a screen or doing nothing on a night. So I want to do the following:

• Go Fishing at least 1 night
• Run 2 days minimum
• Walk 2 nights minimum
• Service bike
• Wash car
• Finish bookmarks section of new website
• Try to fix music section of new website
• Watch some films
• Read/listen to a book

Still want to do other things too, like play on my Xbox now I'm addicted again. Browse the net, watch a little TV and the various other boring stuff I do. I will look in a weeks time and see how many I have done!!!!!!

Khan v Kindelan

I watched the Khan v Kindelan fight last night. I expected Kindelan to easily beat Kahn again as he did at the Olympics.

Kahn was better but he is still nowhere near as good as Kindelan was the last time they met. To me it looked like Kindelan rolled over and let Kahn win. Maybe its just me but it looked like Kindelan never tried and let the new boy get his glory?

Playing Games

I took some time away from the computer and the internet and played on my Xbox the last few days. It made a change and enjoyed it ;-)

These are the 4 main games I tried:


Forza Motorsport: I have spent nearly the whole time playing this game. At first it seams fairly hard when used to playing proper arcade racers where you don't need to brake much. Then you play this and if you don't brake you wont be on the track much. Once you get the hang of it its excellent and I'm having withdrawal symptoms from not playing it for an hour...


LEGO Star Wars: This was recommended to me by someone at work. I was very skeptical but I have to admit it was very good and addictive, certainly a lot better than the next game I played.

Star Wars Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith: I was disappointed in this after playing LEGO Star Wars I had high hopes but it just didn't live up to it. I only played it for about an hour and it felt repetitive and I was completely sick of the cut scenes. I just wanted to get on and play not watch videos!!!

Project Snowblind: I have only had a chance to play this for 30 minutes but so far it looks promising. I like games where there is lots of action and you don't get constantly interrupted like in Revenge of the Sith above. This appears to have loads of action although it does keep popping up messages telling you what's about to happen it doesn't pause the action very much. Will know better when I play some more.

I have spent the most time playing Forza Motorsport and probably will for the next few days!!

Time off the computer

Its been days since my last post, I decided I would spend a bit less time working on the computer. But I couldn't completely keep off computer related things, so I have spent hours on my Xbox playing games. I've hardly used it in the last year but its been the other way around the last few days.

I went out on Friday to Durham for a leaving night for someone at work. I don't know her very well but thought it was better than sitting in the house. Not so sure about that now. The night started off very slow, eventually got better once we went to Chase but I left to go back to Crook to meet Kelly. Who I hadn't seen for 2 months.

I got there and started talking but she more or less made it clear she didn't want to get too close. She was on edge in case the bloke she lives with turned up, I was PISSED OFF to say the least. Had ended my night in Durham to come see her, spent a fortune to get there. Then she was keeping her distance. I was fuming so left the pub and walked home to calm down, just as well I didn't meet anyone on the way home. I was in one of those moods where I would most likely of turned on anyone for the slightest thing. I got in, sent a couple of text messages to Kelly then fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning and has 4 texts and 3 missed calls from Kelly. The texts were asking where I was. I texted her back and she knew I wasn't happy. We are supposed to be meeting up for lunch this week.

Besides for going out Friday and playing on the Xbox I haven't really done anything, I rang the estate agents and told them I wouldn't be going for my mortgage meeting with the advisor. I explained why, that I wasn't happy with how I had been messed around, told wrong information and loads of other shit. She didn't know what to say but think they got the message.

When I look back I suppose the whole week has been like that, things fucking up and having to complain about them. The latest thing I had to complain about was LoveFilm, the online DVD Rental service I have used for nearly 2 1/2 years. The last couple of months it has been rubbish, not sending films out, taking ages to scan them back in and lots more. I've sent a few complaints and so has a few other people I introduced to them. Everyone has had the same problems. I just sent an email explaining the problem again but this time said I would be canceling my subscription in 2 weeks if its not improved.

Today

Today was really shit, I spoke to the estate agents this morning to find out what was going on. They told me yesterday that they couldn't accept my offer because the company that owned the house wouldn't accept an offer from someone who was getting 100% mortgage. Tried to explain that I wasn't getting a 100% mortgage, it was about 90% and the rest made up of a loan at the same rate as the mortgage. The said they couldn't accept that it needed to be separate, I needed at least 5% deposit. So it would mean taking out a loan for a deposit, taking out for a mortgage for 95% then re-mortgage the lot afterwards so it was one payment. NO WAY!!!

Besides for this I asked them to explain to my exactly what the process was going to be for the house. Every time I spoke to someone in the past they told me something different. I was told that they wouldn't accept any offers until a week Thursday when it had been advertised properly, but they would reject offers. Then if they accepted an offer it would be published in the paper and anyone could then bid more to beat it. I'm not going through all that shit, not getting into a bidding war. If they had told me in the 1st place I wouldn't of bothered!!

So I'm not gonna be moving anywhere in the near future...

This morning was shite at work as well, I went into our training room because I had loads of stuff to get on with and needed peace. I had been in there about 5 minutes when someone walked in and told me that her and someone else I work with would be working in there as well. She said she wouldn't interrupt me then sent the next 10 minutes asking me question and talking away. I was about ready to explode so packed up my stuff and went to my desk. Then got grabbed by everyone to do more work and of course it was all urgent. Was gonna go out or a walk to calm down but couldn't as no-one would give me 2 minutes peace.

At 12 I went for a walk into town to cool off and calm down a bit. I was angry about the house but more so about having loads of stuff that needed doing and not being able to get on with it.

I put a request in under the Freedom of Information Act to see how many staff we had doing home working and got a reply of Zero back. I'm fairly certain that we have some staff who have some home working conditions sorted out a few days a week but maybe its not official. Some of our management have worked from the home in the past. The reason I asked was I never get 2 minutes to concentrate on some of the things I have to do, tried going to other offices and I spend the whole time helping people. Tried working from other rooms in our building like today and it doesn't work. I know that if you can prove you can work from home effectively then your company can't legally turn you down. I don't mean every day only 1 day a week or maybe less 1 day in 2 weeks. The couple of times I have worked at home I've got more work done in one day than I would in 3 at work. I end up working longer hours as well because your more comfortable and don't have to travel to and from work.

I cheered up just before leaving probably coz I got to laugh at someone I worked at with some of the comments he was making about needing a woman for the bedroom. Then turned around and said he was thinking of getting a pet. Go knows what he's gonna do to the pet. I'm sure he will read this ;-)

Feel a lot happier now I'm home and today is over with, some ways I'm probably happier that I have decided not to go for this house. I got the feeling it wasn't meant to be. Things kept going wrong. Estate Agents being late, turning up with the wrong keys, telling me wrong information, mortgage advisor messing up times and lots more. I think there was plenty if signs telling me this isn't the right house!!

The Incredibles

Just watched The Incredibles, its another excellent movie from Pixar. A cross between X-Men, James Bond and Toy Story?

I would definitely recommend this to anyone. The trailer made it look funny which I don't think it was, just really good fun to watch. Go rent it!!

Headache

I am laid in bed with a headache, think its because i am so tired. So going to have an early night.

I went to see the house again yesterday. I will see what happens in the next week. One of my friends from school is supposedly interested in it, he already has a house and its up for sale. I imagine the company selling it will want to sell it as quick as possible to get their money back not wait around in a chain. As long as they get enough to cover the debt i dont think they will care, any extra money goes to the owners before it was repossessed. so will see what happens probably nothing with my luck!

Switchblade Romance

Switchblade Romance: This is probably the best horror film I've seen for some time. Its a french subtitled movie but really doens't matter as you don't need to read words when the pictures tell you everything you need to know. Very good, worth watching if you like proper horror films.

Spun

Spun: I picked this up and didn't really know what it was about. Its watchable but nothing special. A tripped up drug tale is about the best explanation!!

The Warriors

Just watched The Warriors, its an older film from 1979. Although it looks dated its still a good film and worth watching. Its about a gang who get wrongly blamed for shooting a gang leader and they try to find their way home with gangs chasing them.

Films in the last week

I've watched a few films over the last week, they are shown below.


Repo Man: with Emilio Estevez looking very young. This is very strange and can't really describe it other than to say its a cult film ;-)

Big Daddy is another Adam Sandler movie. I seam to of watched a few of his films recently. If you like his movies you will like this. It is funny and Joey Lauren Adams looks good in it too.

Man on Fire is a good action movie about an ex military man who is hired to bodyguard a family from kidnappings. The daughter is kidnapped and the bodyguard goes on the rampage. It does have more story than that. Well worth a watch if you like action films and/or Denzel Washington.

Quiet

I have been very quiet recently because i seam to of been very busy.

I had a mortgage approved on wednesday so i can make an offer on the house i went to see. Im going to look at it again tomorrow before i decide to make an offer. The house was cleared the other day so may be able to see if things were being covered up.

I am really tired tonight so gonna go to sleep soon.

My personal life never gets any easier, just feel confused how i feel about kelly and the other person i mentione probably coz i barely see either of them. care a lot about both still think i love the person i wont name but thats not gonna go anywhere they obviously dont feel the same.

Kelly used to say she loved me too but she never showed any sign of leaving the person the was with in the 3 months i was seeing her for. So guess that was going nowhere :-(

if i get this house think i should just concentrate on that...

House

Decided to go and see a mortgage advisor tomorrow afternoon to see how much I can afford. Would like to buy the house I saw on Saturday, the estate agent told me they had received a couple of offers.

Wish I could get a house, dont want to be living with my parents in a years time, not that there is anything wrong with parents. Just think I'm getting too old to be living at home. Its not gonna get any cheaper only more expensive, so gonna have to get my first step on the property ladder some time.

Update

I haven't posted anything for several days. A lot seams to of happened over the last few days.

I was out on Friday night with people from work, it was a good night but seams ages ago now. Didn't notice any scandal :-(

On Saturday I went to have a look at a house for sale along my street, it was strange looking around someone's house when its has been repossessed and you know them. All of their personal stuff was still in there. The house wasn't bad but in my opinion does need some work. Ceilings need doing, not sure if there is something up with the roof. I know they were worried about it when we had some strong winds a few weeks ago and there is some damp in the house. Although this is to be expected with an older house.

I've been sat working out if I can afford the house and I don't think I can, would really struggle paying the mortgage and all the bills on my wage. Unless I can find a few thousand from somewhere (no chance). The only thing that worries me is, I can't see houses getting any cheaper, so I either need to earn more money or move in with someone :-(

I went out again last night with mates it was very busy you could hardly move in some pubs, it wasn't a bad night but got a chinese and walked home. It wasn't all that late (just after 11), I ended up walking past the pub where Lisa works and I texted her. I then ended up going and seeing her after I ate my chinese (it must of been the drink). I woke up this morning and thought shit what have I done. She texted me once today and I haven't replied, not going to either. I need to sort a few situations and this is one. I am going absolutely nowhere near Lisa again!!

Kelly is away on holiday this week, that's another situation I need to sort out. Although I miss her that's not going anywhere either.

Lastly I mentioned that I still really cared about someone I saw last year, unfortunately that isn't going anywhere either. Not gonna say anything more on this!

Think I need some time on my own to sort stuff out again, maybe I get myself into all these situations because I'm lonely and just crave company (I don't know). Then again I seam to of been staying in loads recently and not seeing people so that cant be it. I feel like just getting away from everything at the moment fed up of nothing working out.