From bed again

For some reason its easier to write stuff when im laid in bed maybe coz there's less stuff to distract me or something. So once again im writing this from my phone.

Realised the last few days how much ive sort of pushed my friends away in recent months both from home and work. Ive been talking to a couple of friends from work and they both said they thought they had done something to upset me as i hadnt been myself. Wasnt them was just had so much on my mind recently. Guess i have been a bit self absorbed for once think i maybe need to a bit more, i spend all my time doing stuff for other people with nothing in return. Other than friendship which i guess is worth more than anything else but rather than asking they just ignored me.

Anyway hopefully im getting back to normal and laughing and joking with people more again. Ive still got lots i want to sort out in the next few months but dont want to carry on being a miserable bastard like i have been at times.

over the years i have had quite a few dreams that have come true. I dont mean you dreamt you passed a test or something i mean dreamt i situation. For instance i can remember being in a shop in Scotland which i had never been to and never heard or seen before. But i walked in and it looked familiar which happens to up all but then realised i recognised everyone in the shop although didnt know why at 1st. think i then went to look at something and i suddenly realised i had dreamt this i looked up and knew exactly what each person was about to do and say (word for word). I had never net any me the people in that shop before other than dreaming it.

This wasnt a one off incident it has happened loads of times over the years. Only seams to happen when i am, happy, comfortable and not tired. So hasnt happened recently. The last time was last year in Barnard Castle when i was with someone in a pub having a meal and new what everyone around me was going to say and do again. It sort of happenen again with the same person a week or two later. Looking back it generally happens when im with someone i care a lot about. My gran in Scotland.

Ive had lots of others but cant really remember them now. Wish i had wrote them down.

Part of the reason im mentioning this is for years i have dreamt about this year for over 10 years. Just certain events, big things. They may turn out to be just normal dreams but some parts have started to happen last year. One of the people i met last year and had dreamt their face and in the same situation many years earlier.

think that is maybe another reason why i have been down, the stuff i dreamt means a lot to me and even if the stuff i dreamt doesnt come true would like to make some it true anyway like buying my own house. No good just dreaming and wishing stuff to happen gotta get off my arse and do it!

I wrote the other day about a plan for the next few years all of this is part of making stuff happen rather than letting stuff drift by. Dont want to look back in a few years and think again where the hell has my life gone.

Well think thats enough shit from my head for one night.