can't sleep

why is it whenever i want to be up early i can never get to sleep. i
want to get and go to the sorting office to pick up 4 parcels that
came today before i go to work. it opens at 6, so wanted to jump out
of bed at 6. if up sharp enough was going to do the extremely short
run i used to do when i first started running to see how quick i can
do it. then get ready and pick up my parcels.

unfortunately its after 1:30am so gonna be Knackered as usual. i have
been better at sleeping recently after years of never being able to
shut off. tonight i am back to my normal though.

my head is buzzing with thoughts of runs and walks. in some ways its
good that something is igniting my imagination again. there are so
many things i want to do but can't fit them all in :-(

where is my lottery win so i can live that life of leisure i have
dreamed of for so many years. then i could make a serious dent in my
list of things to see, do and experience?

everything i want from life is there before me i just have to choose
the correct path. that path always seems to blocked by decisions. for
once i'm not talking about work but my personal life. wait too long
and the opportunity disappears forever and do you then live a life of
regret or does something better materialise?

in my life i have always been lucky although at times it certainly
hasn't felt like it. when the chips have been down, things have always
turned out for the better eventually.

i have a picture on my living room wall i took last year when i was
going through one the toughest times in my life. i stood on the top of
crinkle crags looking down at the langdale valley beneath me. it
looked absolutely amazing the picture is excellent but being there was
so much more. it was almost spiritual stood there with no one else
around. i made some important decisions then whether i realised it or
not.

i am fairly certain there will be more times like that ahead over the
next couple of months when i am away walking for days on my own with
only my thoughts to keep me company.

i look forward to it, it's no wonder i can't sleep. far too much stuff
runs through my head!