chilled weekend

I've done nothing this weekend, Friday I was supposed to be going to the Lakes to walk Bowfell, Scafell Pike & Sca fell but my partner in crime is/was ill and there was gail force winds. So I went nowhere and have been nowhere since.

All I've done is watch, films browse the web and listen to music. Haven't even watched any TV. I have done a little bit of work on my walking website. Although I have come to the conclusion I need to do masses of reading. I need to properly read up on PHP, Javascript, MySQL, XML, CSS and the Google Maps API. I have dabbled with all of these at some point but need to know a lot more for this project.

I realised last week that I learn best visually and by hands on messing around with things, seeing how stuff works. I get bored quickly reading computer books and tend to jump ahead. Looking back I have alway been like this with everything I do. I lose interest quickly if anything drags on. I need quick fixes or rewards to keep my concentration. Although I learn very quickly, maybe its because I miss out the waffle when learning stuff?

One thing I don't normally do is work very well with structure or plans. I create them but find it incredibly hard to stick to them. Its them same with the lists and aims I've created on this blog many times before, I rarely complete any. I start at a pace then very quickly become fed up and move onto the next thing.

I need to figure out how not to do that with my website project, I have been thinking about doing this for ages and want to actually finish it or at least get it to where I am happy with it. But how do I do that?

I mentioned above all the things I need to learn more about, but know if I set off reading a book on each one at a time. I will be sick by the time I get half way through the first, with my mind wandering to knew ideas for the site. I guess I probably already answered my own question. I probably have to learn by hands on, looking up the things I need to know for the task I'm trying to do. This often feels like I'm going around the houses to find out how to do a simple task because I haven't got full knowledge in the language.

I'm rambling once again, just really want my website project to succeed, putting off starting because I don't know where to start :-(

Challenges

I have just updated the challenges on the side of this page. I still want to do the Wainwrights but I don't want to have to rush them, if it takes years then so be it. The 1001 albums to listen to before you die challenge got boring because lots of the albums were rubbish.

So the new challenges aren't too hard and are certainly achievable.

• Learn to Snowboard - already done this although need to go back for more practice
• Learn to climb - I have found a couple of places locally where I can learn on a climbing wall but would then like to climb outdoors.
• Smile and have more fun - may sound stupid but I have been known at lots of points in my life for not smiling and being miserable. I feel better if smiling and obviously need to be having fun to feel happy and want to smile :-)
• Walking Website - I mentioned this in a previous post or hinted at it. I have had an idea in my head for months, mainly because I haven't found a website that does what I want. There are some that offer very similar services but they are often pay for sites or are badly designed. When I have something up and running I will post more details. I don't think anyone else will be bothered, but will be useful for me and my dad if no one else.

This is a short list but a major problem with failing challenges and goals is due to unrealistic targets. I started to write if I only achieve one of the 3 remaining goals/challenges I hope its the website, then thought what am I writing. It would be "Smile and have more fun", it doesn't really matter if I don't do the other 2. BUT to be happy is the most important thing in the world, surely?

Money growing on trees

I need to tighten up on my spending, I've been spending money like it grows on trees. Just bought another TV and stand. I bought the same TV a month ago originally for my bedroom but I set it up in my living room to test it and it never ended up getting as far at the bedroom.


I am trying to do one room at a time and finish one before moving onto the next. I'm working on my bedroom first. I have repainted the walls from the baby blue or whatever the bright blue was. I can't remember the names of the paint but it looks a lot better. When I've finished I will probably take some pictures.

A new radiator is being fitted by my parents on Saturday, while I'm working (know I'm lucky). The radiator is about £140 because its quite big, the old one was useless.

Then after that I need a new carpet, which wont be cheap and bedding, curtains, etc...

I'm being paid some overtime this month which will cover the TV and the radiator (hopefully).

Anyway I need to stop spending money, I am out for a meal tomorrow night. After which the purse strings will have to be tightened. Although last night I had a dream that I received a cheque for just over £102,000 and have had this dream or at least the cheque part for the last few nights. I'm hoping this part comes true, not sure what the rest of the dream was about but I have a feeling that the rest wasn't so good. Can remember being unsure whether I wanted the cheque. If I have the dream again will try to remember more.

New Website idea

I have had an idea for a website I've wanted to do for months but never got around to actually doing it. Recently I've started being a bit more pro-active and reading up on various topics and thinking of web site names.

Wont say too much at the moment in case I never get it off the ground or change my mind. It does involve walking and other outdoor activities.

Recently more and more I've realised how much I love being out walking and I guess the 2 things I love to do the most are walking and computers. So its natural to try and join them together in some way.

I'm not going to have much time to do anything with the idea over the next month due to work, have already worked a load of overtime this last week and will be doing more probably most nights in March.

I need to keep the website project moving, so hopefully writing it on here will keep me motivated!

Too often I never do any of my ideas and I have seen a few make lots of money for various companies. Not that there is any money in this one.

Back? Maybe...

Its been nearly 4 months since my last post declaring it was the end of the blog. Although I did say it may be back in the future.

I have missed blogging and recently I have referred back to previous posts to check things, its like an always accessible reminder of what I've done and was thinking.

If this is the return some things will be a bit different I don't think it will include those late time posts where I would say exactly what was going through my head in my personal life. It often caused several different people to get upset. If anyone wrote down the things that went through their head, there would be so many different emotions that you feel at anyone time that you are always bound to upset someone. So those will be kept to myself this time!

Cool old Skool Scooter is on the TV with "Hyper Hyper". Just looked at Metro Radio arena because I remembered I saw they were on. It actually sounds really good, Cascada, Scooter, N-Trance, Booty Luv, UltraBeat. Its £25!!


So much has happened the last few months but gonna try and look forward.

Scotland Border Time Out

Tonight I decided I needed a drive out to clear my head and have a bit think. Ever since I got back from Canada I never seem to of gotten away to think. The only problem with tonight was I had to wait in for Tesco to deliver my shopping. So it was 10pm by the time I set off. I had already decided I was going to drive to the Scottish Border then turn around and come back.

It was 130 mile round trip, which took 3 hours. That was including going to Crook for Petrol (closed) and missing my turning off the A69 (head not with it).

I got the Scottish Border at 11:30 stopped to take a picture of the Stone saying Scotland (it was too dark though). Then turned around and came back. Going up it was like being on a rollercoaster going over the blind summits, in the dark and thick fog in places. I got back a few minutes ago (just before 1:00am)

Cleared my head a little bit I think, could probably do with a weekend walking too. Maybe I should take Monday off!

Getting Better

Its Getting Better All The Time, I hope it is anyway. I keep waiting for something to go wrong which is exactly how a friends sees her whole life. I don't want to be like that, she told me a few weeks ago that there was no point being positive because things always went wrong. If you think like that its inevitable that they will.

I'm sat with a bud at the computer, having just carried a free Dishwasher in to the kitchen. Iw as given it by the school where my mam works. They are getting a new kitchen, so I got the old dishwasher. It's not fitted in yet but can't complain for free :-)

I had thought about going to Stanhope show tomorrow with a mate but haven't got his new number, told me to get it off Jay but he's not replying to texts. If I was that bothered I could just walk around and see if he was still going tomorrow (obviously I'm not).

My dad has just asked me if I fancy going for a walk with them tomorrow, near hadrians wall. I might as well, otherwise I would probably sit on my arse most of the day until the England match. I need to get out and look for a new car ASAP.

Not sure what I'm doing Sunday yet, but I've taken Monday off so going for a walk :-)

My last post was about things being good and stuff generally is at the moment. This blog was about me writing things down that I found hard to say to people or was worried or upset about. I'm not sure how much I need it anymore. In recent weeks I've been using it less and less. Only a few walks have been recorded on it and they odd thought. Some personal things need to be kept to myself, those are being wrote in a personal blog/diary that isn't online. A lot of my life is recorded online anway by the following sites:

Last.FM - Just about any song I listen to is tracked here.
Facebook - Keep in touch with some friends here, when I can be bothered.
MotionBased - My runs and some walks are recorded here.

I will be creating a new walking site which will have my walks and possibly my dads on, that's when I get chance to sit down and concentrate on it.

So I'm not sure yet what I'm gonna do about this blog, I will continue for now but maybe not as much as I used to. I will most likely change my mind tomorrow and do about 10 posts, lol.

Car

I've been thinking about a new car for a while after spending a fortune on mine over the last year. I just looked on Parkers Guide and got a shock at how little my car is now worth, not much more than I have spent on it over the last year :-(

I did also get a shock at how little a month it would cost me for a car that is either new or 1 year old paying over 4 years if I didn't have payment protection, costs about an extra £50 a month though with the protection.

I keep looking at a Suzuki Swift brand new but its probably too little, another Mondeo grandad car would cost me about the same but would be a year old.

The other thing that's put me off, is I really don't know if I want to have anything else tying me down. Then again after just thinking stuff through I'm not sure I would make much of a traveller I'm always ready for home after 2 weeks, lol.

Music Lists

Anyone who has known me for a while, should know I like my music and anyone who has looked at this blog a few times will also know how I regularly make lists (rarely do anything on them though). At the moment I'm trying to make 2 music lists which are incredibly hard. My Top 100 Songs and My Desert Island Discs. I have just about every song for the Top 100 but can't decide on the order. The Desert Island Discs is about finished as well, just gotta decide between a couple of songs.

Just because people sometimes think I can be morbid, I'm also doing a short list to be played when I die. Thought about this one for a lot of years, lol.

For some of the songs I feel I should have a description of why and what it means to me, hmm very hard.

I Am...

Am I Wembley?

This is all part of my masterplan, now no one will have any idea what the fook I am on about, lol!

Previous challenges and some music

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I was gonna set some plans for the future but failed to mention about the ones I set at the beginning of the year. 2 of them recorded on the right side of this site have stalled. Wainwrights and 1001 Albums.

The Wainwrights I changed my outlook to walking during the West Highland Way, I decided that its not necessarily about racing over peaks, its about enjoying it and taking in the views. So I decided I wouldn't try to do all the Wainwrights this year but over the next couple of years. I have been busy with other things like sorting out my Holiday the last few weekends. I will resume the Wainwrights after the holiday :-)

The 1001 Albums I can't see me completing this year, but I don't need to unless I die at the beginning of next year. The full title is 1001 Albums to listen to before you die. I said I'd die young but don't think its next year but you never know.

I still like my lists of music, started working through someones 100 Best Songs Ever list from Last.FM. He has similar music to me, so thought I'd give them a listen. Here's the list, I'm working back over from 100. So far I'm up to 63!

The Future

I suppose first I should mention the job. I have spent dozens of posts moaning about it. I read a post from June 29th last year moaning about how sick of it I was and needed a kick up the arse to sort the situation out. Little did I know that less than a week later I got a fucking pile driver. Yet rather than jumping and giving in which would of been all too easy I stuck it out. At the moment things are looking better and for the first time in a long long time I've stopped back later at work a few times of my own choosing in the last couple of weeks. Even more strange is I spent 6 hours last night, 2 of them on my Birthday (midnight-2am) doing stuff for work. Don't worry sneaker pimps I haven't brought any international secrets home that I was intending to mail to the News of the World (not last night anyway). I was sat writing code that I could use for some stuff at work, now that's more like it, something useful to both work and me. They get my time (wont be claiming it) and skills and I learn something and feel happy.

So now that work is starting to get better until the next crisis, I will probably now decide to leave. Gemini's always like change and hop from thing to thing, rarely completing stuff. There are just to many things to learn and experience. Life is becoming a bit too mundane and I'm feeling old. So I need something to challenge me:

I will be looking the the future for the rest of the week and planning a few things. Although this time I am going to try as hard as I can to stick to the plans. Yes I make plans constantly and very rarely complete any, because I quickly lose interest. Variety and new experiences it what I need.

Time for a bit more think, the one thing I do so well :-)

Birthday

Today is my Birthday, another year gone and I'm still single. The best thing about that though is not having anyone nagging me all the time. I'm sure there are plenty of benefits to being attached but I'm looking at positives today :-)

I had planned to do the North Yorkshire 3 Peaks today but decided last night that it wasn't going to happen today. I didn't fancy getting out of bed before 5, especially when I didn't go to bed until after 2. I'd changed the plan to walking my adopted paths in Wolsingham.

The plan changed again when I eventually crawled out of bed at 11. The plan was to do nothing that involved exercise. What was I to do, stay in bed?

No, I decided I'd go for a drive up the dale. Going back 10 years I'd do this almost daily and at least every weekend. Recently I've not been going there, these days now I getting old, I think about the price of petrol and stay in the house, walk or run. I'm not that bad, I've just not driven about the dale so much.

I went up to Cow Green Reservoir, stopping at the shop just up the bank for a sausage roll (3 of them) and a Red Bull. Oh the memories, I used to always do this, well not Cow Green normally :-)

When I got to Cow Green I thought I'd have a walk from the car park to Cauldron Snout but remembered I wasn't supposed to be doing exercise, lol. Actually I just couldn't be arsed!

I set the GPS on my phone away on the way back and using it decided to explore some of the back roads around the tops, that I'd never been along before. Exploring, how exciting :-)

I didn't do too much exploring because I know most of the roads and I'd need a 4X4 for some. I was going to put the map of my route on here but its very big and would mean lots of stitching maps together (not today).

I found some nice view points of the dale, would be good to take a lady for a romantic drive. Erm yeah right...

I saw just how lazy people have become while driving up to Hill End. I watched 2 farmers or shepherds what ever they're called nowadays (agriculture workers?). They spent absolutely ages trying to move some sheep up the road to a different field. They were both sat on a quad, oh and the dog, even the dogs have become lazy. They struggled trying to move the sheep up the road while riding the quad, beeping their horn as they went. The sheep weren't taking much notice either and they had to about drive into them to make them move. Eventually they got the dog to try and heard them by pointing at a sheep (can they not whistle and shout?) The dog looked and didn't seem to know what to do, the bloke was still pointing at the sheep.

Finally the man on the back decided that because they had been on 5 minutes and moved about 20 yards that he needed to get off the back and actually do something. So he got off and walked 5 yards scattering the sheep in several directions up the road. He waved the cars past the sheep which they had totally lost control of and on I went. Was this some new towny who thought he would move to the country and be a farmer, god I hope so because otherwise it looks like there is no hope for keeping traditional ways. What next GPS trackers on every sheep where you can give electric shocks to different sides of the sheep so you can steer them to where you want them to go, while the farmer/shepherd stares at his computer. Maybe there's an idea to make some money, I better patent it, lol ;-)

I suppose farmers are just mirroring the rest of us, who are all becoming lazier and lazier. Driving to places that we could easily walk to, buying things for convenience and paying people to do jobs that in the past people would do themselves. We have become very LAZY. Most of us sit there watching TV with the excuse that we just don't have time. We find plenty of time to watch TV and surf the internet though!

Wasn't this post entitled Birthday, I have digressed just for a change. ooh Mental As Anything and Live It Up has just come on. Some songs just make you smile, I was anyway though.

Hey yeah you with the sad face
Come up to my place and live it up
you beside the dance floor
What do ya cry for let's live it up

The point of this post was supposed to be to say how things had changed since this time last year. The short answer to that is, I'm a lot happier. I'm trying to see the positives of stuff more and feel better. At the moment I'm still feeling a bit worn down but not as bad as a week or so ago, overall though I'm happy. There is only one thing missing in my life and as I've said countless times it's someone to share things with. The good and the bad, my life would feel more complete if only I could find that woman. The search goes on...they will have to be someone special to put up with me :-)

I should look back at the women I've been out with and I guess there is only 1 that I still love but sometimes things are not to be. I was writing on here a couple of weeks ago about what I thought was important in a relationship. I think the first things I said were TRUST and HONESTY. This is probably because most people I've gone out with, there hasn't been much of either. I did try being more of a twat at one point in the last year but I felt really bad, although it did work and the woman did want to meet me again. I haven't though!

Tonight I think I will sit down with some Magners and watch a film. The joy of celebrating your Birthday alone, still smiling though :-)

Music and Driving

I've noticed the relationship between driving and music for years but was thinking more about it today when rushing to one of the offices. I was listening to dance music and driving very fast and I always tend to drive fast when its dance music.

If I listen to something more chilled like Air or something more mellow like David Gray, I drive more relaxed and thoughtfully.

I think this applies to feelings in general when listening to music, if depressed it's probably best not to listen to Nirvana or something like that. Although you do understand what Kurt Cobain was on about when listening while feeling down.

Music can help change your mood but it doesn't always work. I've tried listening to Dance music when unhappy but it can just magnify the feeling and make you even more angry, which isn't good when it makes you drive fast.

That's enough of my ramblings, I know what I'm on about but it probably makes no sense to anyone else.

Good Weekend

For a change I feel like I have done something with the weekend, I put my shed up on Saturday which took a while. The longest part was laying the paving level, so the shed would have a level base.

Yesterday I ran the Raby 10K and achieved my target time. Then after the race Kay came over and we spent hours and hours going through accommodation and stuff for our Canada trip. We haven't booked any more than the original first week in Toronto but we have a more firm intinery for the second and have picked out 3 or 4 hotels in each place. We can now finally see a picture of the room (Rose Suite) we booked in Toronto.

Rose Suite (our room in Toronto)

We still have to book the second week but I think we both know what each other likes now and are thinking along the same lines (I hope). It looks like we have decided to drive the second week, not 100% but the train takes as long as driving for some reason?

Today I had a lie in, which I needed. Then I went to Ikea and Ilva with my parents for a look out. I found a table I liked in Ikea but wasn't sure if the colour would go in my dining room. Then walked over to Ilva and saw several tables I liked, at twice the price and most too big. I did find one the looked perfect, it was a Solid Mango Wood Table at £297. I didn't buy it though, can't afford too.

Solid Mango Wood Table in Ilva

Good Advice?

Think this may be good advice after my pondering tonight:

You are moving into a period when relationship issues can be more complicated to understand, for there are strong forces working within your subconscious mind that drive your actions. Explore your imagination to help you get in touch with hidden issues so you can better enjoy the weeks ahead. Pay special attention to your dreams. Make time for meditation or prayer and spend time soaking in the beauty of nature. Doing anything that puts you back in touch with yourself is a smart idea.

Thank you

Thanks Robert, I've read the quote you wrote in the comments of my last post a few times tonight. Didn't quite take it in when I was bleary eyed before work this morning.

I have had more bad news today, received my job appeal results but I'm not gonna write about them tonight or will just make myself angry again. I've calmed down a lot because of two things. One is re-reading Roberts comment (guessing its you, always post anonymously). The other I have recalled a post on the Teesside bulletin board about why someone is running the race for life. Several members of her family have either died or have been diagnosed with cancer. As well as some of her friends. It popped into my head while I opened up my blog, what have I got to complain about when people out there are fighting cancer and many other things, with a smile and succeeding. Another girl has just popped into my head who was mentioned on Look North last week who decided to refuse any further treatment because she wanted to die with dignity, she was only 16 but an inspiration to many. She is remembered as the girl who was always smiling.

If it weren't for these stories and quotes I would be throwing my job in tomorrow. They have just made me think. Thank you to all 3 of you, one of which is sadly is no longer with us. I must remember to sponsor Ann in Teesside for her race for life and email her. If I get 2 minutes break tomorrow I think I will copy her post and post it tomorrow night on here so you can read it.

When I first left school I wanted the exact job I have now, now I have achieved it, I'm moaning?
I'm realising I always want more, I do something hard or worthwhile but normally rather than being proud of the achievement. I think of how I could of done it better and feel unhappy about it. I can think of a few examples, the Great North Run where I was very unhappy with my time, yet it was over 5 miles more than anything I'd ever ran and my first race. I also moaned about not climbing Ben Nevis via the CMD Arete yet at least I got up. I need to learn to enjoy what I have done :-)

Work and thinking

I'm not really sure what the next month or so is going to be like. I will be on my own doing all the IT for 2 areas while my colleague is on paternity for a month. Previously there were 4 people doing the IT side of things over the 2 areas, so gonna be hard.

I also have the results of my job appeal due in the next week and a half. I could really do with some time to myself this week to mull over what I'm going to do if it doesn't come out as hoped. Unfortunately I have a very busy week.

Monday - Jeremy coming over to fix computer
Tuesday - Free so far
Wednesday - Blood Brothers
Thursday - Adopt-A-Path meeting
Friday - Night Out
Weekend - Canada Accommodation sorting and Lakes walking

I have Tuesday night spare, but gonna need more than 1 night to sort my head out and review my options. I suppose I can do plenty of thinking when I'm walking in the lakes one day at the weekend.

Still waiting for that lottery win. After over 12 years of dreaming I think I'm resigned to the fact it's never gonna happen and I'm gonna have to make my dreams come true myself without a windfall. One or two of my recurring dreams haven't come true yet, the others have. Maybe its time I pulled out the tarot to help me make the decisions I already know the answers to.

View of the fells from the couch

There has been a common theme in recent posts (walking), that's an 'l'. I finally got around to putting up my canvas picture on my living room wall. I was given a voucher towards a canvas from work last June for my birthday, I finally got around to ordering it in December and it has sat in the spare room ever since. Sunday though I finally put it on the wall and I think it looks fantastic.

I keep finding myself staring at the picture wishing I was back there walking. The picture I used is special to me because it was taken at a time when things were at a very low point in my life. It's from the top of Crinkle Crags looking along the Langdale valley. The view made me realise there are far more important things in life than work and has spurred me on ever since to get out walking.

Now with the picture on the wall whenever I sit down to watch TV I see that view and feel guilty for sitting on my arse and not being out there experiencing views like that again.

This is the picture I had made into a canvas, it looks so much better 30" by 20" though.

(Above) the canvas wraps around the frame so you don't see as much sky or grass

Something else I've been thinking about for the last few months is encouraging others to get out walking. So far I have only encouraged a couple of people but to be honest I haven't really tried, I have often needed time on my own to reflect on things. Which is part of what walking is about for me, it's a break from the day to day life.

Now though I am hoping to share that experience with people who I think would (given a bit of a push) enjoy the experience. I still need to spend time in the hills on my own as well ;-)

I mentioned in the previous post that I watched a DVD of the lakes earlier tonight, seeing this sort of thing just makes me want to give up work all the more and get out there. I know I can't do this at the moment (possibly could) but all I can do is make the most of each weekend and any holiday I have.

Finances

I have spent the last 3 hours or so organising my finances and setting up Quicken again from scratch. I have used Quicken for years to keep track of my finances but I have gradually let th details slide and since about July last year I didn't keep it up to date regularly. The last time I entered everything in was September and then I had 3 months to enter.

So I decided to make a fresh start from the beginning of 2007 and intend to keep it updated daily with whenever I spend anything (like I used to). I now know how much I owe on my 2 credit cards (did know but easier to see in Quicken). I have a fair bit on them but have applied for a new 0% one and have been accepted, once I sign the paperwork and receive it I will transfer the 2 balances before the current 0% expires. I think I may have to buy all my camping stuff within 30 days of getting the new credit card and transfer it onto the new card, it only has 0% until 2008 if transfered within first 30 days.

Anyway I'm on top of the finances now which means I probably wont be going to many concerts or festivals this year unless I get some money to pay stuff off (unlikely). Should be going to see a musical later this month but that may be the last thing I book for a while. I need all the money for my holidays!!