I've been frustrated over the whole merger our unit has been going through. This is the second of the 2 things I was waiting for to see how it was handled and if it was done right I would stay. So far it is a fucking shambles. Still waiting for someone to actually speak to me, what was even more frustrating was when I was in Teesside and they were called to see how everything was and told them they had spoke to me. The only conversation I have had was 20 seconds on the way to setup something and was told we would have a conversation later. It's hard when I'm in Teesside 2 days and often out and management is also out the office a lot. I have plenty of things I have concerns over and am becoming more and more frustrated with there being no one at a senior level to be able to ask or address my concerns to.
My walk along Redcar sea front on Monday has just thrown more things into my mind and from thinking things through now. There are far too many things in life to DO, SEE & EXPERIENCE to be wasting what short time we have sitting at a desk feeling FRUSTRATED, HASSLED, STRESSED and recently MISERABLE. Its just a fucking bastard that I need money to do them. I can't get out of my mind how much I would love to walk around the mountains and hills of Wales, Northern England and of course Scotland. If I won money that's exactly what I would want to do, nevermind the fast cars and exotic holidays (for now anyway).
For some reson whenever I hear Dire Straits - Fade to Black it really makes me think. For some strange reason it's one of my favourite and most played songs. Totally different to most Dire Straits songs (listening to it now).
The songs I have in the playlist are:
George Michael - You Have Been Loved
Bryan Adams - I'm Ready
Dire Straits - Fade To Black
Nina Simone - Feeling Good
All 4 songs are excellent quite calming and good thinking songs, Nina Simone is probably the odd one out.
I can see my mind is jumping about again (back to usual).
I started making a list on Monday night of things I would like to do (yes another list). It's getting very long, yet I want to do all of them. I couldn't do all of them over the next year due to money and time. I won't post the full list yet because I haven't finished and I guess there are sub lists of stuff like a list of walks I want to do.
- Climbing
- Swimming
- Ice Skating
- Horse Riding
- Kayaking
- Boxing
- Cycle Coast to Coast
- Skiing
- Snowboarding
- Coasteering
- Paint Balling
- Bungee Jump
That's a sample from it, but a lot more on the list already.
I wonder how much money I would need to walk from Wales to Scotland taking in Snowdon, Scafell Pike and Ben Nevis along the way and how much time. I need to do something that'll push me physically and mentally and is a bit different. Plenty of people walk all 3 in 24 hours but they don't actually walk between them. I'm sure some people must walk it but obviously over several weeks. An inspiration to me would be the "Two Fit Ladies" who walked 1521 miles around the coast of Scotland in 81 days to raise money for Save The Children. Just realised that one of their Surnames was Horner (no relation as far as I know).
I have a friend who has a seriously ill member of their family, this is making me think all the more about how we waste our lives. Yet what do I do about it, other than going to a few concerts and entering a run. It's nothing, we are all capable of so much more, nearly all of us go about our daily lives going to work and back home and doing the house work and watching TV. There must be more to life than this, I've said many times I want to look back and feel I've had a memorable life. Not someone who dies having done nothing and no ones misses them.
I think too much!!!
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