munros and tops' which i have just started to read. I need to chill
out a bit several times over the last couple of days i can feel myself
getting angry, not just where you a slighly annoyed with someone but
the start of where i really lose my temper and at times i could feel
that i wasn't too far off snapping when people said or did something
that usually i would laugh at.
There's a few reasons i think why i feel this, i'm really tired and
just generally run down. There's also a few things that have happened
to friends that i'm angry about. I've not been really doing the things
that have kept me calm over the last few months, like walking and
running.
It's my birthday a week today, i need to take the day off to review
the last year, what a year. From a low point where i didn't want to go
on to being really happy sat on the top of several hills and
completing 3 races.
This year i let myself cry for i think only the 3rd time in memory. I
still can't see the point in it and didn't really make me feel any
better. I think it was more about feeling comfortable enough with
myself to allow it. Can't see me doing it again though anytime soon,
lol.
Getting away from the last year and more to recent times, i found
myself feeling a bit of jealousy today. I'm not gonna explain why
because it was stupid and pointless but i guess you can't help
feelings, wish i could!
I really can't wait to go on holiday, i know i need a little bit of
time on my own to sort my head out before i go or i'm not gonna enjoy
it as much as i should. My birthday is the day for that i think. Not
sure walking the north yorkshire 3 peaks is the best for spending time
mulling things over. I would probably be better climbing up a peak and
sitting at the top contemplating things.
I suppose i should say that my job is feeling better at the moment,
gradually working through the backlog but there are still too many
things that really frustrate me.
As i seem to mentioning most of the things on my mind i may as well carry on.
I still feel really lonely if i'm honest i just wish i had someone
special who i could share things with. I get sick of people saying how
nice i am but i learnt a long time ago that being nice gets you
nothing. Other than used constantly maybe. Where are all the honest,
single woman who just want to enjoy life. Maybe they don't exist?
Something else i heard today was how much of a complete fucking lying
twat someone is. They had the nerve to blame me for something they had
done. They want to hope they never meet me again. Somethings i can
never forget!
I definetly need to get some of this anger out of me before it gets
any worse. Why can you just never trust people. If only everyone was
honest, too many 2 faced people and far too many secrets.
Not sure the chill out music is working. Writing some of this is just
getting more wound up thinking about things. Maybe i should either
stop or change subject!
No comments:
Post a Comment