Lonely

I have been careful what i have wrote on here in recent weeks because far too many people i work with are reading this, sad bastards. Why dont you all leave a comment for a change rather than being anonymous you can do it without leaving your name, if its so interesting?

One of my motos or rules for my life i guess was to be honest and another to live for today so i will write what im feeling at the moment!

I am still feeling happy but its tinged with a bit of sadness because i am feeling lonely. Especially this week, not really sure where i go wrong. I have loads of friends but that is all they ever seam to be. Im 26 and alone, sometimes it can be good to have some time to yourself but at other times we all crave that special someone.

i have made many mistakes in my life gone out with people who i may of loved but knew it wasnt ever gonna work. I have either been blessed or cursed with the ability to read people like a book, well not quite but i can 99% of the time tell what someone is like within a few seconds of meeting people. They say we form an opinion of people on 1st meeting them but i seam to take it one step further.

This can be a curse when chatting someone up when i very quickly realise that it would just never work and decide not to bother. I cant see the point in chatting someone up if i know i dont really like them. I didnt explain that properly but hopefully you get the idea. A few of my mates say its about the challenge and dont really care if they really like the person or not. thats just not me, ive never been a one night stand person. That probably contradicts my rule of living for today but then again i could say if i know they are not the right person why waste my time.

Every now and again someone does come along who you do care about and for some reason 2 of them from the past have been in touch with me this week. Well they were right at one time now i am happy being friends. For some reason i always go for attached people, unintentionally.

I normally wear my heart on my sleave but like that music video for i think it is roger sanchez - another chance, where the woman carries her heart around with her and it gets bigger when she falls for someone but it scares him off. Then her heart shrinks. Thats much like what happens to me i think. except each time it shrinks the next time you find someone it doesnt quite grow as big for fear of getting hurt again.

I think i have been a little too honest again on here. It probably is time i moved this to my own servers to track where people are reading this from. Seeing as people generally dont leave any comment.

Too anyone reading this from a work internet computer there is no point in clearing the history. big brother is always watching, lol :-)