My Boss's Daughter

My Boss's Daughter: I watched this earlier today, it's supposed to be a comedy but I can't really remember laughing much but having said that it wasn't quite as bad as I was expecting. Maybe I was just transfixed by Tara Reid!!

Think I prefered this to The Missing at least something happened.

The Missing

The Missing: I wasn't all that impressed with this film it was too long and drawn out and not a lot really happened. It's about Indians kidnapping yound girls to sell and Tommy Lee Jones sets out to rescue his grand daughter from them. Maybe I wasn't in the right mood to watch it but it did seam very long :-(

Update

I haven't posted much again over the last week, not really sure why I've not been that busy. I just seam to of been very lazy all week. It's been tiring at work with 3 or 4 staff off every day on Holiday. By the time I get home I can't be arsed to do anything, I'm bad enough anyway but even worse over the last week.

My exercising has been none existant this week, was gonna go out last night running and didn't and again this morning I went back to bed as I felt shattered and haven't left the house all day.

I was supposed to be going to Blackpool today but I sent a text the other day to see what time we were going and I got a reply it was cancelled. Not sure when Wayne was planning on telling me if I hadn't asked him. To be honest I was hoping it would be cancelled, was gonna cost a fortune as always for one night and I didn't know who else was going. I am now going to Jonathan (my line managers) wedding reception tomorrow night. I wasn't sure whether to go after I already said once I was going then had to pull out coz of Blackpool. So felt bad about saying I could go again. I was very tempted to say nothing but it would of looked bad if someone had mentioned I didn't go to Blackpool, would of looked like I didn't want to go but I just felt bad for already saying I wasn't going. Anyway its sorted now and I don't have to drive there either so I can have a drink :-)

I have had a few people asking me to fix their computers this week but as I said above I have felt knackered all week so haven't done them yet.

Feels like I am in a bit of a vicious circle at the moment, tired from work and can't be bothered to go out and exercise but if I actually got of my arse and did some exercise I might feel a bit more alert. I just lack motivation.

The Man Who Sued God

The Man Who Sued God: This was second movie I watched tonight and again I was suprised, wasn't expecting much from this either but their were some funny moments. Wouldn't say it was hilarious but it was a good good movie. I prefer Billy Connolly doing stand-up comedy but he is quite a good actor as well. Giving this 6 out of 10.

The Girl Next Door

The Girl Next Door: I wasn't expecting much from this but it was suprisingly good and by the end I had a smile on my face. A real feel good movie, that and I quite like Elisha Cuthbert from when she was in 24. This is well worth a watch one of the better teen movies that has been out for a while!!

Busy @ Google

Google have been very busy recently, with Google Earth a few weeks ago, a new version of Google Desktop that features a sidebar that add the latest news, photos, weather and more to your desktop as well as searching and now they have just launched Google Talk.

Google Earth

Google Earth lets you view the globe from space and zoom into anywhere on the planet and can go to detailed satellite photos of many areas like the US and major UK cities. You can search for schools and restaurants and other places of interest and have them displayed on the map. It can even provide driving direction. The program is totally Free, it is impressive although to be honest I ahve had it installed for more than month and can't remember the last time I started it. The main reason for this is that the satellite images of the North East of England are rubbish, hopefully these will be added in the future then Google Earth will be excellent.

Desktop Seach & Sidebar
Google Desktop Search has been updated to version 2 Beta, I have had version 1 installed for ages and out of the search programs I had tried GDS was the best. The only major problem I had was it didn't search network drives and this was a big problem for me, most of my files are on network drives. I am happy to say that the lastest version add support for them :-)

The biggest addition that is immediately obvious is the sidebar, see the pic to the left (click for larger image). It can show you the latest weather, stocks, news, email and more. At 1st I thought what use is this going to be but I enabled it to try it. I have to say I am very impressed especially when it started showing me all my photos from "my pictures". Then as I browsed more it was showing more relevant news to me. Although the email part doesn't seam to work that well for me. It's supposed to show your Outlook email as well as Gmail but the Outlook part doesn't seam to refresh very often :-(

Definitely give it a go, in the next few days and weeks, I'm sure there will be loads of extra things added for the sidebar which will make it even more useful. Especially if all the hacks for Google Maps are anything to go by!!!

Google Talk
I installed Google Talk the day it cam out but other than that I've never used it. Partly because I don't know anyone else who has installed it to talk with.

It looks very basic and simplistic but I guess that's what Google excels at presenting people with simple to use applications that do what you need. Although I would imagine most people would find it hard to do away with many of the features of other IM clients that offer, Video, Dialing telephones, images and loads more. Maybe more features will be offered in the future I hope so. Otherwise I can't see many people switching over to it!

Basic

Basic: This film is a bit different from what I expected. I was hoping for a normal action film, where I didn't have to do much thinking (I was tired). Instead it was quite complicated but good. There was tons of twists and turns to the plot. Worth a watch but would advise you to watch when not very tired like I was.

:-(

Laid in bed still listening to music. I cant sleep my mind is working over time thinking about how i seam to be alone again.

i never have any luck when it comes to women, know how i feel about the person i keep not mentioning by name. I love her but looks like she doesnt feel the same, especially after some of the things ive been told over the last week.

Guess i am upset but i feel more angry at the moment but i think that is how i deal with being upset. I am not someone who cries, i used to just get angry but have managed to stop being like that. Makes me sound nuts but im not that bad ;-)

women dont know why i bother for once i wish someone would be completely honest and say exactly how they feel.

MP3 players and Phones

I sent off my Zen Micro MP3 player this morning so hopefully I should receive a new one in the next few days. It's a nightmare not having a working hard drive MP3 player, I am sat typing this while listening on my old Creative Muvo NX 128MB player. Its still an excellent player especially for running. Just 128MB is tiny by todays standards and you soon get sick of hearing the same songs.


I downloaded an update for my phone (Orange SPV C500) which will upgrade Windows Media Player to version 10. Which is much better than version 9 that is on it now. I already have a 512MB mini SD card in it. So could fill it with music and I can also use my Napster To Go subscription once I upgrade Windows Media Player on the phone. Just haven't got around to upgrading the phone yet as I will have to back up everything as it will be reset and will lose texts, contacts and everything else. My contract expires in the next 2 months for my phone so I could upgrade to a new phone but I dont think there is anything better around. There is an updated version of the C500 the C550 but it doesn't really add much other than a better camera. May hold off until something I really like comes out.

The LCD TV I ordered earlier today has been sent so hopefully it will arrive tomorrow, although I don't think anyone will be in to receive it. So may have to wait until Friday to get it :-(

New LCD TV

I read my email this morning and I had received the latest offers from Dabs, which I get every few days. Normally I have a look but there isn't much I'm interested in, but today they had a Relisys Widescreen LCD TV (RLT1730BS). I have been wanting a new TV for my bedroom for 2 years but I could never find a TV at a reasonable size that would fit properly normal (CRT) TVs are too deep (except for 14" portables). I had been thinking about buying a normal LCD Monitor and using a computer to view the TV but when I saw this TV on Dabs this morning decided it may be worth buying as it was cheap and had good specs. It was £233 after a quick search I could see it was £250+ every where else. There were some good reviews as well. There were 23 available this morning, I gradually watched the stock go down to the last few but when it got to the last 1 I decided I had to buy it.

MP3 player broke

Some how my MP3 player broke at the beginning of last week. It had been in my coat pocket a couple of days but hadn't been thrown about or anything. When I switched it on it froze on the Creative logo and wouldn't do anything, not even switch off without removing the battery.

I looked on Creatives website and found out how to get into Recovery mode and tried some of the options but none of them worked.

So I contacted their customer services, I was going to phone them but it was at international rates. So decided to email them, they came back to me within a day asking for more details which I sent and it sounds like they are going to replace it with a new unit and take my old one away when they deliver the new one. Just sent off an email with my contact details in.

Hope it gets sorted out this week as I am really missing it, even though I have a computer in just about every room and have access to my music. Its still not the same as having a portable Hard drive MP3 player. I could use my old 128MB Muvo but its too little and only any good for running.

I very nearly bought a 60GB Ipod Photo earlier in the week. I still want a larger HD player as well as my Creative Zen Micro, but I have a couple of major problems with the Ipod. iTunes still doesn't scan your music folder for any new MP3s that have been added, you have to tell it when you have added music (WMP & Winamp both do this automatically), you are also stuck using iTunes (generally) with Creatives MP3 players you can use Explorer if you wanted. My other issue is I prefer a Napster to Go style service rather than iTunes model.

Having said these gripes I still like many things of the Ipod, excellent design and very easy to navigate. One of only about 3 MP3 players that you can get in 60GB (of the major players). Creative and Cowon are the other 2 but Creatives looks very dated although cheap and Cowon iAudio X5 is only just about to come out in 60GB model and is likely to be even more expensive than the ipod although it does play videos.

Not sure what to do yet so holding off, I have been hearing rumours of some more updates to the ipod as well coming soon so they may fix my problems. Still the main one to me is iTunes not scanning my folders for new music which is important to me because of the way I store my music!!!

Finished another audiobook

Orson Scott Card - Ender's Game: I finished listening to this excellent audio book tonight, there are several others that follow it (5 I think). Before I listen to them I think I will listen to some others first. I would definitly recommend this to anyone even if you're not into Sci-Fi, give it a read/listen I think you will be hooked.

Targets

I think it is finally time to set some of those targets I said I was going to set a couple of months ago. I quite often set myself targets but rarely achieve them, my problem is I quickly lose interest unless something really inspires me or catches my imagination. Still not sure how I can sort this but will try.

The 1st thing is to set some simple achievable targets rather than stuff that I am just gonna fail at.

1. Be able to run a complete track I have in my head without walking any of it within 6 weeks. (I will post more details of this tomorrow)
2. Lose 1.5" off my waist in 6 weeks
   
3. Add 1" to arms
4. At least look into motorbike lessons

The above are all achievable, the last one is something I've been saying I'm gonna do for years but have never got around to it. All of them I want to of done in 6 weeks time. The next stage is planning out how I am going to achieve them and making sure I stick to the tasks!!

I have some other targets I would like to achieve but think I need to see how I get on with the above ones first.

Friday Night

I went out with Binyon, one of mates on Friday. I have been out a few times over the last couple weeks with him. He split up with his girlfriend who he has a son with. He has taken it very hard so I have been going out with him to get him out of the house.

When I met up with him on Friday night it looked like he had hardly slept, around his eye looked really dark, almost black eyes. He said he keeps waking up and just cant sleep. He has also been drinking loads, just hope he can sort thing out!

When I met up with Binyon, Jay my best mate was there he had been out all afternoon (so was drunk but happy). Jay is funny at the best of times but even more so when merry. So had a laugh with Jay and a bit chat about him and the lass he met when we went to Durham a few week ago. They are well suited, very similar personalities and Jay is very happy. Pleased he has found someone who makes him so happy, he went out with a lass for several years but when you compare them he is much more suited to the lass he is seeing now (oops, I've forgotten her name).

The rest of the night wasn't all that eventful until I got talking to some lass in the Surtees. She said her and her husband or partner were black belt in something or other (cant remember what now). I said something about how useful is it in the real world if someone was coming at you. Think she argued a bit then she got up and I thought she was going to the bar or something. She had other ideas, I was sat on a stool and she walked behind me and decided to put me in a headlock. I was suprised and a bit pissed off, so got to my feet which is a bit hard when someone has their arms wrapped around your neck. I caught the table next to me with my leg and ended up knocking some lasses drink over. The lass let go of me and then spent the next 10 minutes apologising.

I'm just pleased I was in a good mood and didn't react, knowing how wasy it is for me to just flip. I haver never hit a lass but would of been very easy to of head butted or elbowed her as I couldn't actually see who it was I just guessed. If she had held on much longer not quite sure what I would of done, luckily I didn't have to find out.

She was trying to prove a point but she didn't as I said was it any use when someone was coming at you, but she attacked me when I posed no threat and wasn't expecting anything. So she didn't prove anything!

The lass who's drink I knocked over went off it and was twisting, I bought her another drink and I argued with her that she only had a tiny bit left in the bottom anyway. I sat back down and got talking to the lass who was just shouting at me for knocking her drink over. She ended up apologising for shouting and being nasty. I sat and talked to her and the couple of mates she was with for a while.

After that I can't really remember I must of got back in at about 1. The only bad thing about the whole night was I texted Lisa who I used to go out with. I cant remember doing it and wouldn't of, if I wasnt drunk, I'm guessing it would of been when I walked past the pub where she works.

I wouldn't of known if she hadn't sent me a text in the morning saying guess I was drunk and that I should delete her number. That is the only good idea I can ever remember her having, wont delete it just stick some ones in front, then I cant text when drunk.

I spent most of Saturday hung over, I knew this would happen. I felt de-hydrated when I went out and thats always a bad start. Well I'm gonna go watch the Newcastle match.

mayonnaise and coffee

I read this over on Jonathan's Website (my line manager). I liked it so thought I'd copy it here.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

So then the professor picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar and of course the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes".

The professor then produced two coffee cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed. "Now", said the professor, as the laughter subsided. "I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favourite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff. If you put the sand in the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your spouse to dinner. Spend time with your parents for you won't always have them in your life. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and enquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I am glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

2nd part

I decided to do this as a 2nd post as it is just about work.

This morning was very boring, i have got to exactly the same point i was at when working for the red cross. I just couldnt give a shit about what i am doing and have no interest in any of it. I keep catching myself sitting there doing nothing but day dreaming and cant concentrate on work at all.

I had hoped that there would be some things coming up but i know its just wishful thinking. I have got to the point of no return i fear, no matter what i am given i just have no motivation. There are some good things at the moment i guess, i am out of the office a fair bit over the next week doing training. I am normally not all that keen on doing training but this is ok as i know all the people i am training and it is easy. The 1st one today went well and everyone understood it so its a good start.

I said i had reached the point of no return, i mean where i just cant see anything getting anymore interesting or learning anything new in my job that catches my interest. Since november last year i was told i could go on some training which i thought would be good it hasnt really materialised although i have been asked to look for some but the problem is i am limited really to i couple of courses because they have to be totally relevant to my job now. The only courses i can see like that wouldnt benefit me as i wouldnt learn anything much new. They would be a waste of my time and works money. Wish i could do a course that was more interesting and would develop me for the future rather than just for today.

I stayed in this situation for a year or so at the red cross maybe longer before i saw an opportunity to leave by taking redundancy. maybe i need to be looking for a door out again before i go nuts from boredom. Will keep my eyes open for another job although not sure what i want to do anymore. I have always wanted to work with computest because there is always something new to learn and i am good at it. I have become so disillusioned though recently that i am thinking of giving it up.

The last 2 posts sound so negative but i guess i only really write a lot when i am down and have stuff on my mind.

Think i could do with 3 months out like the ones simon is having from work. The lucky bugger is spending 3 months in canada, alright for some!

Today has again been a long day. I spoke to kelly j. a couple of times and found a few things out. if there is one thing i really hate its people being 2 faced, especially when its someone you care about.

I found out that i was supposedly hassling someone with texts and emails all the time and they just wanted me to stop. If that was the case why not just tell me that. I wasnt sending many and whenever i did stop they always contacted me. Last week i said i would give them some space. Yet then emailed me several times and texted me. I wasnt complaining as i want her to contact me.

Just dont like the fact that she is telling her friends i am hassling her yet she contacts me as well.

I shouldnt get too angry as this information is about 3rd hand so not sure how accurate it is. But i also heard that there had been a falling out over something similar last week. Telling people different stories.

i will take it all with a pinch of salt but some of it rings a little too true :-(

the hardest part is the person all this is about is on holiday this week and think is is with the person she told me she didnt love anymore.

I did say i wouldnt write anything else about her but have to write this down.

I will never understand the slightest thing about women. It is supposedly men who cant say how they feel and be honest. Not in my experience :-(

Listening to...

I've been listening to a couple of audio books over the last 2 weeks.

Dan Brown - Angels & Demons: I decided to listen to this book after having previously listened to the Da Vinci Code about a year ago. Enjoyed that book and found this one just as good. Well worth a read/listen.


Orson Scott Card - Ender's Game: I have listened to about two thirds of this so far. Wasn't sure if I would like it but must admit I am hooked. Hope I can keep on finding audio books like the ones I have heard so far.

Music
Besides for audio books I have listened to quite a bit of music recently although not that many full albums. Although here are some I have listened to all the way through.


Dr Dre - 2001: I keep playing this album reqularly. It still sounds excellent, many people said this was no where near as good as the Chronic. Think I should listen to that next then!!


Faithless - Forever Faithless: Some excellent songs on their greatest hits, still not sure about some of them though. My favourite is "One Step Too Far" with Dido.


Beatles - Ruber Soul: I wasn't sure if I would like this album when 1st looking at the songs but since then I must of listened to this well over a dozen times in the last month. Its excellent!!


Fleetwood Mac - Tango In The Night: I heard a song on TV from this album and had to listen to it. My parents used to always have this on in the car in the 80's. Another excellent album :-)


David Gray - White Ladder: Not much I can say about White Ladder other than it is excellent, a must listen...

Buckden Pike

Distance: 7.74 Miles
Time: 4 hours

Today I walked the above route (marked in blue). Click the picture for a larger version.
The beginning of the walk was very hard, not because it was difficult but I had been out drinking last night and had no energy and felt ill. I recovered once I got to the top!

I wrote above that it took 4 hours, it only took 3 hours actual moving time but we stopped for over an hour on the way around (for dinner and me to recover).

For some strange reason the route has a weird blip on it, the bottom left of the map, it looks like we walked South then doubled back on ourselves (we never went where it shows??)

Anyway it was a nice walk and there were loads of Waterfalls at the beginning, worth going for them. Below are a few pictures, click them for larger versions!!

the 1st waterfall (little)

Bigger waterfall

Another waterfall

Looking down towards Buckden

The rest of the pictures will be posted to my flickr site tomorrow.

Another Perfect Song

Carrying on with songs that fit my mood and situation. Here's another

Guns 'N' Roses - November Rain

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain


Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

No coverage

Why dont trains have some sort of mobile telephone mast built into them. I can hardly ever get a signal to send emails or go on the internet.

Maybe i should complain to mr branson, lol

Train

I have just got on the train, it was 20 minutes late. Where i am sitting smells like stale farts.

i had a dream last night that there was a bomber on the train. I never saw it blow up sure it was a normal dream and not some sort of warning. i rang someone when i knew something was happening to tell them i loved them. Suppose i could me guessed who i would ring.

I told her this morning some of what i dreamt.

I think its gonna be a long day!

Birmingham

I am off to Birmingham on a Lotus Notes course for work tomorrow. In some ways I am looking forward to it as at least it is a break from work and a trip out. The worst thing about it is I have to sit on a train for 3 hours to get there and 3 hours back again. The course only lasts about 3 hours as well, so a long way to go...

I am intending to just listen to music and have a bit think on the train, I may post a few blog entries from my phone as well.

Knowing my luck I end up with some annoying person sat next to me. Hopefully I will be able to get an earlier train home, otherwise I wont get back into Durham until 8:30 and I will miss the Newcastle match :-(

Ross Noble - Unrealtime

Ross Noble - Unrealtime: I watched this excellent DVD (2 DVDs) the other night. Ross Noble is very funny and I have never seen anyone go off on so many tangents. If you like stand up British comedy, rent this. Maybe it appealed so much to me because he is a geordie!

Leonardo

Leonardo: I watched this DVD over a few nights last week. Its all about Leonardo Da Vinci and his life. It was originally on the BBC but I never saw it. If you're interested in this sort of documentary it is highly recommended. 8 out of 10.

Undead

Undead: I watched this last night after it was recommended to me. I should of known better!
It was rubbish, some parts were OK, I like Zombie movies (good ones) but this just got worse as it went on. I gave it 5 out of 10 on IMDB.

Grr..

I wrote a few posts yesterday but saved them as drafts because Blogger wouldn't let me upload my images. When I have looked for them today they have disappeared :-(

Too serious

I was told tonight i was too serious. I had never thought of myself like that, far from it. I was quick to defend myself but since then i have thought about it.

I act completely different with different people. The person who said it, i dont think either of us has been ourselves for some time around each other. something i will have to change ;-)

some people who i know would say i dont take anything serious and probably think i am nuts.

Then my mates who have known me for years see me differently again i am quiet when with them until i have a drink then i dont shut up.

I guess i am a true gemini different sides to me.

Odd

Its been an odd weekend. I went on the monthly work night out to durham and ended up staying at tony from our peterlee offices house. Dont think we got in until about 3, i was up just after 8 and caught a couple of buses then walked the last mile and a half home.

i then went back to bed for a couple more hours. Then spent the rest of the day watching tv.

The work night out was strange which i guess is the norm for our nights out. For once there was nothing about me for anyone to talk about. Although i did get questioned about the last night out by someone, some how i managed to avoid the subject i think, my memory is a bit hazy, that was early on so wouldnt of said anything.

I can imagine having a strange conversation with another lass from work about tatoos.

I went out for a drive today to middleton in teesdale and barnard castle before driving home. Otherwise i havent done anything since getting in on saturday morning.

i have managed to be careful with my texts normally i end up texting people especially when i have had a drink, not this weekend. The person i know i would of texted is hardly talking to me anyway so i am on my best behaviour. Trying to give her some space which is hard when i feel like i do ;-)

Stupid Signs

I found Swanksigns today, its a site with loads of stupid signs.

Microsoft "Genuine Advantage" cracked in 24h: window.g_sDisableWGACheck='all'

I read this on boing boing earlier today:

AV sez, "This week, Microsoft started requiring users to verifiy their serial number before using Windows Update. This effort to force users to either buy XP or tell them where you got the illegal copy is called 'Genuine Advantage.' It was cracked within 24 hours."

Before pressing 'Custom' or 'Express' buttons paste this text to the address bar and press enter:

javascript:void(window.g_sDisableWGACheck='all')

It turns off the trigger for the key check.

Link (Thanks, AV!)

Unicornimation: The Love Story

I found this link today, if you are at work dont watch it. Its an animation of 2 unicorns.

Today

I had to go to our Darlington office this morning with liz and Mandy who i work with to deliver a training course.

I wasnt looking forward to it because i could see several things that were going to be difficult.

Everything that could go wrong did and instead of training i spent all morning fixing stuff. Yet to be honest i didnt care a less, it didnt get to me. I think it pissed liz and Mandy off more on the afternoon when some of the people complained at them for going to quick and showing them stuff they already knew. I wasnt in when they complained.

I was more bothered about someone barely talking to me than the course going wrong.

I was shattered when i got in from work but seams like i am back to normal and i am now waking up and my mind wont shut off.

I think i will see if i can get at least one day off if not more next week. Could do with some peace and quiet and some time to think!

Not been around much

I havent posted anything for a few days because i have been busy. Well not entirely true, i havent been on the computer all that much until tonight.

I think i have spent most of the last few nights listening to an audiobook "Dan Brown - Angels and Demons". Its been really good but i am a long way into it and i dozed off for 20 minutes tonight and have missed part of it and dont really want to try and figure out where i heard to.

A lot seams to of happened since i wrote properly in my blog. Just dont know where to start. I think i mentioned i had messed up by sending some flowers. That situation still hasnt really changed, guess its amazing how what i meant as a kind gesture (i thought) to show how much i care about them can backfire so much.

Dont think i mentioned i did do the tarot cards the night before i sent the flowers. Dont read them much these days. I still havent got around to interpreting them fully yet. But it did look like i was going to have some difficult times in the near future in the relationship i was hoping was starting. I didnt realise it was going to be as soon as the next day, lol.

I better go to sleep gotta get up tomorrow to pick jonathan up (my boss) on my way into work. I will hopefully write more stuff tomorrow night, think i have some stuff to sort out in my head ;-)

Euro Millions

I put on the Euro Millions draw tonight because the jackpot was advertised as £66 million, it ended up being nearly £68 million and no one won it.

I won, well not the jackpot obviously. I matched 2 and 1 star and won £8.30 its a profit so good :-)

Dream

I woke up at 7 this morning and fell back asleep again for 10 minutes but had a strange dream in the 10 minutes.

I dreamt I was at work and I received an email from the peron I sent the flowers to the other day, cant rememer what the subject was now but in it was a an animated picture of some chips that were moving into words to spell out what she wanted to say.

Then in the dream it suddenly changed into a real plate of chip in front of me and the chip were doing the same thing moving to make words. Someone from work was helping me to try to read what it said.

Cant really remember what it said now, should of wrote it down when I 1st woke up. Can remember a little bit but wouldnt write it here!!

Creep

Creep: I also watched this movie tonight, I think it is hard not to compare any film that features horror and the london underground and not compare it to some other horrors like American Werewolf in London and 28 Days later. This isn't as good as either of those. Having said that it is still worth watching and has some jumpy moments I guess. Better than many of the recent American horrors I have seen. Only gave it 6 out of 10 but still worth renting.

Punch-Drunk Love

Punch-Drunk Love: I watched this earlier tonight and still not quite sure what to make of it. I was expecting a typical Adam Sandler movie which I quite like (you dont have to think to hard). Pleased I watched it although it was very odd. It has 7.5 on IMDB and not really sure what to rate it. Think I will give it 7.

2 songs

I can think of 2 songs that would describe how i felt last night, still do.

Beatles - In My Life

There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All this places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more
In my life-- I love you more

Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me

This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch

We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...

Weird how I always think of songs to match how I was feelingat the time!!

Very bad day

Today i made what has probably been one of worst decisions for some time :-(

i sent some flowers to say how i felt but it went very very wrong. I have totally upset her and not sure she will ever talk to me again.

I should of thought with my head rather than my heart. Trying to stay positive but dont really think i can.

What i really feel like doing is getting in the car and not coming back for some time. i have managed to completly fuck up the only thing in my life i care about and now have nothing that matters left.

I really need some time away but cant take time off because i have to take a training course in the exact office i would really rather not go to.

I just hope things work out, think i am only just holding things together. if i won the lottery tomorrow night i would give it away to sort this out!

The Goonies

The Goonies: I just watched this again, I have seen it loads of times but not for years. It is still excellent, brings back memories of being a kid. Anyone from my generation will remember the film, Mouth, Data and of course Chunk doing the truffle shuffle :-)

Go and rent this now and watch it again, it puts a smile on your face!!

Keep me busy

My last post mentioned some of how i was feeling. I started to think i need to do something to take my mind off stuff until things are sorted out. I realised i have already started doing that without even thinking about it.

i have spent most of the weekend walking to keep me busy the only problem with walking is it doesnt keep my mind active so i spend the whole walk thinking about what i can do to sort things out. I guess it gives me time alone to sort through things if walking alone.

The last time i was exercising like this was just over 2 years ago when i was really down and at the time had to keep everything to myself. I lost quite a lot of weight from all the exercise, i was still eating properly, well for me. could do with losing some weight, lol.

I am still trying to do the Yes thing and be positive, although it may not seam like it from the last couple of posts. I just needed to write some of the stuff down that was on my mind. Even though i did have to write it in a cryptic way!

Confused

At the beginning of the week, I was very happy and thought maybe things were finally working out for me in my personal life, but as the week has gone on I have become more and more confused. I know how I feel and I would do absolutely anything to achieve what I hope for.

I dont care about posessions, a job or just about anything else. All most of us strive for in life ultimately is to be loved and to love someone. Guess its sad for those who dont realise.

Money can bring short term happiness but finding the person you love will bring a life time of happiness. Yeah there can be a lot of arguement and difficult times but if you find the right person you are very lucky. The Beatles wrote "Can't buy me love" how true they are. Money isn't the be all and end all.

I set this blog up so I could write down what was going through my head and how I was feeling but I think I told too many people about it. I promised someone I wouldn't write about them after I said a little too much about how I felt about them. That was the whole point of this site.


I would much rather talk to them about what is going on in this head of mine, but I have such a scatter brain with so much running through it I wouldn't know where to start.

I can't talk to them at the moment because of their circumstances, I have no idea when those will change. They have made the 1st step just not sure when they will make the next.

I made a promise to myself when I was on holiday in Scotland that I would tell them how I feel. I have done that and I got a shock with their reply (good one I'm pleased to say) but since then we haven't been able to see each other to talk.

I have waited a year so I guess a few months? longer isnt gonna kill me, said I would do anything for them. I just hope in the end she feels the same about me as I do about her?

This post will probably come back to haunt me, but hell life is too short to waste!!!

Oceans Twelve

Oceans Twelve: I watched this last night, it wasn't brilliant. Oceans Eleven was a lot better. The story here was a bit jumpy and I expected more of the same that was in the the last movie, it wasnt. Dont think I would watch it again!

Wolsingham and Tunstall Walk

Distance: 8.65 miles
Time: 3 hours

I did this walk on my own today, I have had it planned out for a few weeks but didn't want to do it until I knew my GPS was working right. I know the area fairly well (I went to Wolsingham Comprehensive) but some of the parts through the woods I hadn't a clue.

Thank god I did wait, exactly as I thought heading towards the woods it was unclear as to where to go. There were 4 stiles all going in slightly different directions. The 1st which I think was actually the correct one, was strange I started to walk over it then noticed the electrified enclosure for grouse with dozens of dead birds hanging up. Thought that must be the wrong way as surely they would do all that right next to the public footpath. I then took another and the path disappeared and the GPS was telling me to go left but it was over a deep stream and couldn't see anywhere to cross. I finally found another style that had an arrow after that I just followed the GPS directions.

It took me 3 hours but I sat on the reservoir wall for 10 minutes or so. If I did it again I would probably do it quite a bit quicker now I now know the way without checking.

It was a nice walk, not too hard with some nice views of Weardale.

Below are a few pictures, as usual click them for larger versions.

(Above) Any one who know the area, will recognise the elephant trees on the top of the hill opposite.

(Above) High Jofless

(Above) If I win the lottery, a possible purchase overlooking Tunstall reservoir.

(Above) Looking down on Tunstall, you can see the house again!!

The rest of the pictures and the ones above should be uploaded to my flickr account later tonight.

Middleton in Teesdale Walk

Distance: 8.93 miles
Time: 4 hours 37 minutes

I went for this walk yesterday with my parents, it took over 4 1/2 hours. If I had been doing it myself it would of taken over and hour less but some ways it was better because I had taken longer. Sat and ate my sandwiches and enjoyed the sunshine while talking. I tend to about run wound walks and dont take the time to enjoy them.

This was a nice walk it had a bit of everything from woods, fells, hills and streams. We stopped for our dinner at an old abandoned lead mine.

There are a couple of pictures below. Click on any of the images for a larger version.

Below is a rare picture of me with my dad, I usually hide. I see why now!!
The next picture is just a view of the valley and the area around Middleton in Teesdale

I have loads more pictures but I'm not gonna post them all here. You can see more over at my flickr site http://www.flickr.com/photos/stevenhorner. Just about all the pictures I have of me and my family are hidden from general view though. So unless you know me and have a flickr account, you wont be able to see them I'm afraid (not missing much).

Good day

Its been a good today, i went for a walk to middleton in teesdale with my parents. Then came back and we had a bbq, my sister and brother in law came over with the kids.

I am now bright red with sun burn, put bloody sun cream on as well. I remember why i stay out of the sun now, lol.

I will write up today and the walk properly tomorrow.

Although today has been a good day, there is still someone missing :-(

Trying

Today was the hardest day of the week so far. I was very tired this morning when I got up. For some reason I keep waking up during the night. This never happens normally, anyone who knows me, knows that I dont sleep a lot but normally I just cant get to sleep but once asleep I dont wake up until the morning. With waking up during the night as well as not getting to sleep in the 1st place, I am shattered.

I keep waking up and checking my phone (maybe in the hope), very sad!

It was definitly the hardest day so far to remain positive, but have tried my best. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything works out how I hope, sorry I'm being positive everything WILL work out how i want it to. Gonna have to make sure it does and not give in. No matter how hard things get!!!

I have to get up in the morning going for a walk with my parents, so suppose I should try to get some sleep.

Frequency

Frequency: I have just finished watching this film, it had fairly good reviews and rightly so. The story is very good although they never quite explain how the northern lights let him communicate 30 years in the past/future. Well worth a watch, makes a change from the normal big Hollywood movies with little plot.

Saying "Yes"

I have sort of mentioned in the last few posts that I was trying to be more positive and say "Yes" to stuff that I normally would of said no to. This came about after talking to Mandy at work who was talking about a book she or a friend of hers had read. It was about some bloke who decided he would say yes to everything. Well within reason, he ended up very happy and actually made quite a lot of money. He ended up trying all sorts of things we just wouldn't of normally.

Mandy said I should try it, so I thought why the hell not. I have nothing to lose!

It may just be a massive coincidence but I do feel a lot happier this week. Even though it has been a difficult week it still feels like one of the best weeks I have had in a long time other than my holiday.

I have done more than just say yes though I have tried to be more positive and joke about more things. I normally have a joke about anyway but think I have been worse this week.

I just hope this can continue, I want one thing to happen more than anything. That is for things to work out with a certain person, would give anything for that to happen. I believe/hope it will but may take some time. But I'm still smiling :-)

New Laptop

I received my new laptop today, now I have an even bigger smile on my face than I have already had this week. All this being positive and saying yes to stuff has worked so far in the last week I have been trying it.

I have spent all night messing about with it, installing the software I want on and testing stuff out.

It got to 10pm and I decided I would see if the wireless signal would work all the way down the garden. So I wandered down the garden with the laptop streaming music from the house, I must of looked very odd (well odder than usual). The good thing is it worked all the way and in the top end of the garage.

This is just with my existing wireless connection but I have a new Access Point to connect up that is 5 times faster and has better range. Could connect a better aerial up and move it to a better location as well.

Oh, I am sat in bed typing this up on my laptop now, makes a change from using my phone!!!

Strange messages

I got an email today from Laura who i worked with at the Red Cross and we went to secondary school together as well, not that we ever talked at school. She was a swat, although can remember i thought she seamed a canny lass.

Anyway she asked me to send her some smilies as it was urgent and in return she would give me the email address of a single lass she works with. Odd, would of sent them anyway.

I said i couldnt email her because i dont know her. Asked me to send a message about her being interested in my hard drive (innuendo). for a laugh. I did and got a reply about a floppy disk. I replied again and managed to make the poor lass blush or so she tells me.

I sent another email apologising saying im not normally like that, well not with people i dont know.

All a bit of fun, not trying to chat the lass up even though she does seam nice. As i said earlier things are looking up on that front i hope :-)

Laptop

Dont think i mentioned but i ordered a laptop on sunday night, hopefully it will be here tomorrow. Although there will be no one here to receive it.

I have been wanting a one for years but with the features i wanted, they were always too expensive and i couldnt justify spending the money. especially when there are so many computers through out the house. Finally decided to get one :-)

Happy

I wasnt looking forward to this week, especially at work. There has only really been me answering the phone with 2 people away on training until tomorrow. I have had some help luckily.

Probably the main reason, well nevermind probably. The reason i am happier is because things are just starting to look up in my personal life. Not gonna say much or i might put a hex on it. Maybe my dreams are finally coming true, god i hope so :-)

Love is never easy?

Maybe i am destined to be alone?

I know who i love and she knows how i feel, i guess love was never going to easy for me. Difficult situation i am in but prepared to wait as long as it takes.

Hopefully i havent messed anything up, i was out with jay on friday night. Drink and a phone is dangerous for me. I sent quite a few texts, i meant what i wrote in them but may of been better if i hadnt sent them.

I was out again on Saturday and i was told that Kelly who i was seeing is getting married. I had made the decision ages ago about who i wanted to be with but i was still very close to Kelly. Felt like i had been punched when i was told. thought she would of told me.

just hope for once everything goes right for me, this is my second chance that i knew/hoped would happen determined not to throw it away again.

Thinking out loud

This week seams to be taking a long time to get through. I guess when you are bored it drags.

I seam to be staring into space a lot this week in a world of my own at work. I have a lot to think about, but dont seam to have much time at home to do any thinking. As always when i go to bed my mind works overtime, so have been very tired.

Today got better at work as it went on. I had supervision and have some work sorted out to do. Its not exactly thrilling but at least some of it is out of the office. i seam to of been chained to the desk the last 2 months.

I spent half an hour talking after supervision suprised nobody mentioned anything when i went back to my desk. Think they would know my response and it wouldnt be polite.

Suppose i have nothing to really complain about. I have a job it pays the bills just wish it was more exciting but nothing can really be done. There is just nothing currently we have that is interesting no matter how hard Jonathan (my line manager) tries to find something. Think he is fighting a losing battle at the minute.

ultimately i know i have to leave if i want to progress. There is just too much other stuff to sort out in my life 1st. still cant decide if i should have a complete career change, my last few jobs have turned me off computers at work. After the 1st few months there is just no challenge and not a lot of new things to learn. I used to love the feeling where you get up and look forward to going to work. Had that the 1st few months in this job and when i was at the red cross.

Keep thinking i would love to be a countryside ranger or something like that but i do love working on computers especially at home. If i could think of a way of combining them, then maybe that would be the perfect job?

The above probably sounds like me complaining yet again but not this time. I am just thinking out loud i guess. Cant write everything down the speed my brain jumps about there is no way a could type and keep up.

The biggest challenges are in my personal life. I have been honest and said how i feel. that was the major thing i decided when in Scotland had to say how i felt or would regret it for the rest of my life.

Another song comes to mind. The long and winding road. Think i am at the beginning of it but at least i have started out now.

i wont go into anymore of my personal stuff at the moment, they are gonna stay personal for now!

Hard but exciting

I think finally some of the things i have dreamt of and wanted for so many years maybe about to start.

This is going to be very vague as although i may often pour my heart out on here. There are still a few things i like to keep to myself.

There are a few things that happened the last few days that seam to be fitting into place. Even today, as an example i mentioned a few weeks ago that i might start to fix computer stuff for people to see how much business i could get. I havent mentioned it to anyone yet but today alone i was asked if i could sort out 3 computers.

There are a lot more things happening than that but gonna remain private for now.

Gonna be hard but ultimately exciting and what i want :-)

Poems and songs

Wish i could write music or write poems. What are songs if not poems set to music.

unfortanetly i have so much i would like to say just never know the words to use. I used to like reading some poems years ago which would probably suprise most people as i dont think i am seen as that sort of lad.

I am into music these days, i can often think of a song that says how i feel just a shame i couldnt write my own.

I can remember once sending a cd to someone to explain how i felt as i couldnt put it into words myself. Dont think they quite got the meaning even though i had spent hours picking the songs, they just liked the music so i found out later. Dont think they listened to the words.

For once though i cant think of a song to fit my mood.

Wasnt there a film with john cusack and jack black in where they did something similar?

Odd weekend

Its been a bit of an odd weekend, I was out on Friday night for the monthly work night out in Durham. It helped get some things sort of cleared up in my head or maybe I am now even more confused. When is my next holiday?

It took me quite a bit of Saturday to pull around, didn't drink much. I just quite often feel dehydrated now after a night out. I eventually pulled around and then went out with 2 of my best friends, Aaron and Jay who are brothers. It was for Aarons 30th birthday, which is today. We went out for a meal with a couple of his friends (Karen & Andrea), then went back to the Shoe to watch/listen to the band. Who were excellent, I saw them last year and they were even better this time. By the time the band finished though, I was getting a bit bored and felt out of place. So I wished Aaron happy birthday and walked home.

I had drunk all sorts, Champagne, Asti, red wine, lager, snakebite, cider, southern comfort and all sort of other stuff but I was completely sober. My plan of drinking quite a lot of orange and water during the day paid off and I wasn't dehydrated for a change.

The walk home was good as it gave me some time to think about some stuff which I will keep to myself. I thought this weekend might be a big weekend in some ways, think I was sort of right. I have mentioned before that now and again I have dreams that are like premonitions and they DO come true (as if I was watching a recording). On Saturday night I think I had another of those dreams. It involved the same person the last one I had contained. They don't happen very often these days, the last one came true a year ago (possibly to the day, when I think about it). It also contained going to Amulree where I went on Holiday a couple of weeks ago. It remains to be seen if it actually happens, would be a while before it does as it looked like it was a few months away.

I'm sure this makes me sound totally nuts (hell maybe I am) but they have come true too many times before to be ignored. Hope this one is right as well.

DVD Marathon

I was intending to go to the pictures this morning but couldn't get out of bed. So instead I have watched 4 films tonight. Three of which were Adam Sandler movies.


Happy Gilmore: I quite enjoyed this, it had been recommended to me a while ago. I suppose its much like most of Adam Sandlers movies I guess most of them have similar stories but who cares there are normally some laughs to be had and theya re feel good movies. This is the best of his 3 movies I watched today.


Anger Management: I'm never sure of what to make of Jack Nicholson in comedy roles. This is a fairly good movie but would recommend the other 2 Adam Sandler movies over it. But still worth watching if you like his movies.


Mr Deeds: This doesn't get a brilliant score on IMDB but I quite enjoyed it. Typical comedy, romance from Adam Sandler. Well worth a watch if you like these sorts of movies.


The Howling: The last movie I watched today was totally different to the others. This is a Werewolf horror from 1981. It was OK but there were some parts that were very slow. I think An American Werewolf in London is better. Although the changing into a werewolf was impressive especially for a 24 year old film.